All the Lonely People
by IceAngelDarkMoon
Summary: Kai loves Tala, and tells him so, but Tala breaks his heart. What happens when Kai leaves, and Tala begins to rethink his answer, will he ever be able to fix it? And where is Kai hiding so well? slash
1. Crazy for this Boy

All the Lonely People

IceAngelDarkMoon

~~~~~~~~Hey all, this is my very first Beyblade fic. Please be nice about it. I've had this idea in my mind for a long time, but I couldn't figure out which characters it would work best with, then a friend asked me to write a Kai/Tala fic, and all the pieces slide into place. This will be a songfic, and a lot of them you probably won't have heard of, but you may want to go look up because they are awesome songs. ~~~~~~~~

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This will be SLASH, SHONEN-AI, whatever you call it. So if you don't like, leave, no one is forcing you to read this. Flames over this matter will be used to toast marshmallows! ^^^^^^^^^^^

@@@@@@@@@@ I do not own Beyblade or its character. I also do not own the songs I use. This chapter's song, "Crazy for this Girl' is owned by Evan and Jaron. I have changed the lyrics a little fit the piece better. Plot and what the characters become are entirely mine, so HANDS OFF! I am very possessive! @@@@@@@@

_Lyrics are in Italics. The words have been tweaked to fit the story better. All I did was change all the 'she's to 'he's_.

*********Background you will need to understand where this story is starting from*************

            A lot had happened since Tyson had won that final battle to win the world championship for the BladeBreakers; but just as much changed as stayed the same, only with new perspectives. The first thing to change was the take down of the Abbey. Kai made sure that none of it was left standing. He had finally overcome his past and was free of his binds. Reversely, because of the Abbey's destruction the Demolition Boys moved in with the BladeBreakers. This arrangement led to many interesting things, most of which were new friendships and relationships. The only one really important to the story was that Kai and Tala became good friends. After Mr. Dickenson's death several years later (and several World Championships later) the BladeBreakers went their separate ways. They stayed in touch with each other for the most part, but they no longer shared apartments nor were a team anymore.

**********Most of this is thinking back to Kai's point of view of the past and his relationship with Tala so far, and his coming to terms with his feelings.********

_He rolls the window down  
And he  
Talks over the sound  
Of the cars that pass us by  
And I don't know why  
But he's changed my mind_

Kai did not remember a lot of things about his past before they went to Russia for the tournament, but one thing he did know was that at one point in his life he had meat a fire haired blader, and they had had a lot in common. He could remember they had not really known each other but something about the other boy had fascinated Kai. So when he met Tala in the Abbey he recognized him as the fire haired blader and he was scared. He felt some connection to the other boy and that had never happened before; connections and friendships made it hard to leave when he had to.

When the Abbey had been destroyed Kai knew that any hope of ever coming to terms with the man who supposedly by blood was his grandfather had been destroyed when the building fell. Kai never really wanted the chance to get closer to his grandfather, the man would only use him more to try and gain world power. If there was anything he really hated it was being used. He knew one day he might have to try and stop the man again from taking over the world, and when that time came he could not afford to have friends or people he cared about. They made too easy of a target for a man with an obsession with conquering and causing pain on the most crucial level: the emotional level.

  
_Would you look at him  
He looks at me  
He's got me thinking about him constantly  
But he don't know how I feel  
And as he carries on without a doubt  
I wonder if he's figured out  
I'm crazy for this guy_

            When the Demolition Boys had moved in with the BladeBreakers each Demolition Boy was assigned a room with a BladeBreaker. Tala, by some intervention of fate, had been paired up with Kai. Kai wasn't sure whether he was happy or mad about the situation, but he decided to just try and ignore the other boy. He really only had one person he got along with before Tala and that was Rei. Rei had been paired with Bryan, and where as all the other boys had been worried about the pair, Kai had a feeling they would get along a lot better than anyone else ever suspected. Tyson and Max got their rooms changed so they could be in the same room, this amused Kai slightly because it just proved his little guess about how close the two were. He only wondered how long it would take them to figure out they liked each other more than in a friendship way.

_He was the one to hold me  
The night  
The sky fell down  
And what was I thinking when  
The world didn't end  
Why didn't I know what I know now_

  
            Kai couldn't remember when both his and Tala's shields and barriers had fallen away or if they had ever really been there. He couldn't remember what had made them feel close. He couldn't remember learning to like the fair haired youth. Maybe he never even disliked the youth and had always liked him. All he knew was that in that time they had to share a room they became closer than Kai had ever been to anyone, even Rei. Then from there he knew that love had come suddenly. He knew it he came to the shocking realization after the whole group had split up after Mr. Dickenson's death. Kai missed Tala falling asleep in the same room as him, and sharing everything with him. Although they were no longer living in the same room they were closer to each other than to the others. They shared adjoining apartments in Tokyo. There was even a door connecting the two rooms, so they weren't really separated. The door between the two rooms was never closed.

             The realization that he, Kai, was in love with his best friend was a shocking experience. He knew that his grandfather could use that against him, especially if Tala didn't know the truth. Yet the more Kai tried to deny it, the more it plagued his thoughts. All his dreams were of his best friend, every time he closed his eyes it was Tala he saw there. After a few months he came to terms with his feelings, he was helplessly head over heels in love with his best friend.

            About the time he finally came to terms with his feelings he caught word that his grandfather yet again was up to something. From what Kai could tell it would involve Dranzer and Black Dranzer. He knew then that he could no longer keep the truth from Tala. So he made plans for the two of them to go to their favorite spot, and then let Tala know the truth.

_Right now  
Face to face  
All my fears  
Pushed aside  
And right now  
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life  
With you  
  
_

            They had a great time like they always did. They went out that night for dinner and then went to their spot. That was where either one would end up if something was troubling them, it was easier that way so the other knew where they were to try and help with whatever it was. They also went there to just enjoy being together. It was a secluded spot on the beach sheltered by trees one all but two sides. One side was a rocky cliff and the other was the ocean. The sun slowly made its way past the horizon and they watched as it painted the sky. They lay like they always did, Kai who was shorter, rested his head on Tala's shoulder as they lay on the warm sand. As the sun and all its colors finally vanished and they watched the stars appear in the night sky, Kai made his move.

            "Tala, there's something I've been meaning to tell you." Kai started, his voice hiding all his fear. It was now a little deeper than it had been several years before but it was still strong and confident.

            "I'm listening to you," Tala whispered, his breath tickling Kai's ear gently.

            "I think… no I know I love you, in more than a friendship way." Kai stated bluntly, his head still nestled in Tala's shoulder. His voice held its confidence but inside he was waiting for whatever Tala would say. Beneath him he could feel the taller youth tense up, but he made no move.

  
_Would you look at him  
He looks at me  
He's got me thinking about him constantly  
But he don't know how I feel  
And as he carries on without a doubt  
I wonder if he's figured out  
I'm crazy for this guy_

            "I'm sorry Kai," Tala stated, his voice revealing nothing of what he was thinking. "I don't love you like you want me to." That was all he said, he made no move to push Kai away, but even more hurtful he made no move to comfort Kai.

            Kai felt his heart shatter in his chest. It hurt more than all the things his grandfather had done to him, even put together. It felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest where his heart should have been. Slowly he got to his feet, and turned to leave.

            "It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same." He never looked back as he walked into the woods. Tala made no move to stop him. He could feel the tears on his cheeks but he made neither sound nor a move to wipe them away. He felt nothing; he was numb and dead inside.   
  


_Would you look at him  
He looks at me  
He's got me thinking about him constantly  
But he don't know how I feel  
And as he carries on without a doubt  
I wonder if he's figured out  
I'm crazy for this guy_

TBC

Please let me know what you think. Is there something you think I should change, and anything else you think will make this fic better? I promise to listen to what you have to say, but it is my choice to act on it! Thanks please review! IADM


	2. All the things He Said

**All the Lonely People**

**All the things he Said**

**IceAngelDarkMoon**

********Hey everyone, I'm back! WOW I never thought this story would get so many nice reviews. I was kind of expecting only me and my beat GGKT to read this! Thank you all for your very kind reviews. Don't worry I can promise you now it will have a happy ending, but there's a lot of angst before that! I have to toy with them a little, besides sad songs are so beautiful to listen to! Hope you enjoy this chapter, please review after you've finished!*******

^^^^^^^^^For those of you who don't read author notes in the first chapter, this is a SHONEN-AI story, or SLASH if you prefer! If you don't like that, no one is forcing you to read it so leave now! I will not tolerate flames based on the fact it is shonen-ai! I also do not own BeyBlade or any of the songs. I have adapted some songs to fit this story! ^^^^^^^^

@@@@@Song- All the things she Said, by TATU, the words have been adapted to fit your screen… I mean my story!

****

**Underline- flashback/thought**

**_Italics- Lyrics_**

#####################################################################################################

            The sand was starting to get cool under Tala and he realized he'd stayed where Kai had left him for over an hour, the whole time expecting Kai to pop out of a bush telling him that it was just a joke. But Kai never came back. He had walked away pretending his heart had not just been smashed into a million shards at Tala's words. As the enormity of the situation came crashing down on him all Tala could think was, 'How could Kai do this to our friendship?'

            Tala thought back to all they had been through, all they had talked about, all they had done. He could remember him and Kai not getting along at first, they fought all the time and would refuse to acknowledge the other. As time went on though they had come to terms and then started talking to each other. Soon they had both come to realize their lives were indeed very similar.

 "Tala, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

_All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
This is not enough _

            A smile lit on Tala's face as he recalled when Kai had told him about seeing him at the Abbey before he left. "The only thing I even vaguely remembered from my time there before I came back was a little red haired boy. There was something special about him." Tala had laughed at Kai and hit him with a pillow for being so sentimental. Now looking back was that Kai's emotions showing through before he had even realized. Tala also remembered that was from when they had still been sharing a room.

            "I think… no I know I love you, in more than a friendship way."

_I'm in serious s--t, I feel totally lost   
If I'm asking for help it's only because   
Being with you has opened my eyes   
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise? _

            There was never any doubt in his mind that Kai had never done anything to him while they had shared a room (I leave the anything up to your own minds!). They had been closer than most best friends, a bond that Tala had thought came from their shared pains, but now he wondered if that was just a smaller part. He had said, 'I love you in more than a friendship way.' Tala thought back to their time together. Kai had been there for him when he had hit some hard times. Kai had been the one he ran to. Kai was always there letting him cry on his shoulder, and holding him in a comforting manner. Tala had never been ashamed of running to Kai like that; Kai had done the same to him. Late at night he would crawl over to Kai's bed and they would talk for hours about things and then Tala would go back and fall asleep in his own bad. He could feel the nostalgia grip his soul as he thought back to those similar and innocent years. He even remembered that one time he feel asleep in Kai's bed after talking Kai had tucked him in and then taken his own bed.

            "It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same."

_I keep asking myself, wondering how   
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out   
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me   
Nobody else so we can be free _

Then there were those times that he had gotten sick. With no mother there and no nurse either; there was no one to take care of him when he got the flu or a cold. Kai, without being asked or coerced, tended to Tala at the risk of his own health. Tala recalled the time he had had a really bad fever. In his fevered dream he had felt a cold damp thing on his head, but it wasn't until the fever broke the next morning and he woke up he realized it had been Kai. It had been Kai's first time taking care of him when he was sick. Kai was slumped over in a chair facing Tala's bed fast asleep from exhaustion, with a dry washcloth in hand. It had touched him deeply; no one had ever cared about him enough to stay with him when he was sick. That's when he had known Kai was his best friend and the only person he trusted.

            "Tala, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

_All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
This is not enough   
This is not enough_

_All the things he said   
All the things he said _

            Then there was this beach, their own special place. Kai had found it one day as they played tag down the beach. At first they would only go there together. But soon over time it became their place to think or relax. When one had had a bad day they would end up there, and the other one would come to help them soon after. Then it became their place to go together to just be together. They were in so many different classes that they hardly saw each other. It was their time to be together and be happy. What if there wouldn't be someone there waiting when he was upset now? What if there was no one else who understood the special beauty the place held and the beautiful sunsets it had?

            "I think… no I know I love you, in more than a friendship way."

_And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed   
They say it's my fault but I want him so much   
Wanna fly him away where the sun and rain   
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame   
When they stop and stare - don't worry me   
Cause I'm feeling for him what he's feeling for me   
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget   
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head _

            Tala couldn't help the sudden tears that slid down his pale cheek onto the cool sand beneath him. What if because of this whole mess he lost Kai forever? He didn't know if he could deal with that. Never seeing his dual blue haired best friend, never having the person to come find him at the beach if he had a bad day, no one there for him again. He would be alone like he had been at the abbey, only this time he knew there would be no friend waiting for him after the loneliness. He had said that, 'It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same.'

            "It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same."

_All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
This is not enough   
This is not enough _

Kai had known that Tala would reject him and still he had told him. He knew the heart break he would go through and all that pain. Yet he had thought it best to tell Tala. Why? Why, go through all that? Why did Kai love him? He didn't deserve someone like Kai, Kai deserved some pretty girl whom would love him and give him children and live in a little house with a white picket fence and a dog. Kai deserved to go somewhere with his life, he had so much to go for, so much he could do with his life. The most important question Tala had was, 'Would Kai still be there for him or did this mean he had lost his best friend?'

            "It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same."

_All the things he said   
All the things he said _

_Mother looking at me   
Tell me what do you see?   
Yes, I've lost my mind _

_Daddy looking at me   
Will I ever be free?   
Have I crossed the line? _

He slowly stood and brushed the sand off of himself. He slowly began to retrace the steps that Kai had taken several hours earlier. He had to go back to their apartments; he had to get some answer. He didn't want to lose Kai; something deep in him was terrified at the thought that Kai could be gone forever, but he scoffed at the idea. Kai wouldn't leave him because of this. As he walked the last of his tears dried on his face and no trace was left to show they had ever been there in the first place. He had to find Kai and talk to him.

"It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same."

_All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
All the things he said   
All the things he said   
Running through my head   
This is not enough   
This is not enough _

_All the things he said   
All the things he said _

TBC

Thank you very much for reading the second chapter in this hopefully long series. Please review and let me know what you think. Is there anything that I should work on, something you don't like? This is an angsty story but I will try to throw a little humor in, in a couple chapters but it's not time for that yet! Thanks!

IADM


	3. In the End

All the Lonely People -3

IceAngelDarkMoon

~~~~~~~~~Hey all, I'm still here, no you can't get rid of me that easily!!! Sorry it took so long, but school is more than hectic and band is now my life!! Plus I've been planning an overthrow of the government…(just kidding, I wouldn't want to rule this country anyway!! ^_^) Thank you again to all my wonderful reviewers!!! I love reading your pleas for the boys' happiness, but unfortunately I have a whole plan in mind which involves a lot of suffering…and character growth. Hey I want Tala to be a real man and admit his mistake!!! *GuardGirlKT, the loyal beta, is cracking up madly* Besides I have a whole bunch of angsty unknown songs that will work wonders, plus I plan on adding a little humor and some Rei and Bryan action!  *GGKT: Don't hurt Tala too much Ici-chan… Notices the Rei/Bryan comment and is ameliorated* But I hope you all enjoy the rest of the story!! Ice~~~~~~~~~~~

#########For those imbeciles that have not noticed this IS a shonen-ai story!! Plus there will be major angst, and broken heartness! If you don't like you don't have to read! Kapesh?  GGKT says:  All flames will be used to lure Dranzer to hand over Kai, Tala, Rei, Bryan, Heero and Duo from Gundam Wing, Kamui and Subaru from X, Ryou and Dee from FAKE, Arashi from Para Kiss… and Machiavelli of course!!###########

@@@@@@@@@ For those of you who have not realized my wonderful beta, GuardGirlKT, is here and adding some of her own comments! Kudos to her for putting up with my horrible grammar and mechanical errors! @@@@@@@@@

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kai's Point of View: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            I knew he wasn't going to reciprocate my feelings, but I didn't know it was going to hurt this bad. It feels like my heart was ripped from my body and dropped down a cliff onto a bed of spikes, and then put in a blender to finish the job off.

_(It starts with)_

_One thing / I don't know why_

_It doesn't even matter how hard you try_

_Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme_

_To explain in due time_

            I knew this would happen, so why in the name of all things holy did I ruin our friendship? Why didn't I just hide my feelings, and keep going like I had been? Being near him was enough, wasn't it? No…no it wasn't, I wanted to be more than that, and it was eating me from the inside out. My heart was breaking every time I was near him. I wanted him to feel the same so bad that I made myself believe there was a chance he felt the same. I learned the hard way to be careful whom you give your heart to. I don't think it was ever really mine to give away, I mean I didn't choose who I fell in love with, so I can't really call it giving it away. But in the end it all came down to the fact I couldn't stand it anymore. I can't pretend anymore, I can't pretend that when his hand touches mine there isn't a shiver running down my spine. Nor can I deny that I would give anything to be with him the rest of my life. I just can't pretend any longer, I can't live that lie. I had to be free from it, it's better this way for him too, he doesn't have a friend who has dreams about him in more than a friend way. Maybe one day he'll forget he knew me and marry the girl of his dreams, that's what was going to happen anyway, just now I won't be there for him. I just couldn't pretend anymore.

_All I know_

_time is a valuable thing_

_Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings_

_Watch it count down to the end of the day_

_The clock ticks life away_

_It's so unreal_

Third person Point of view:

            His tears dried on his face from the wind and at the same instance his heart was freezing over into a cold, impenetrable, poorly lumped together mass. His face lost all the emotions that had just begun to become common on his face.  The cold mask from before was back in place. It was as if his time of healing had never been. Or his heart had never softened but had hardened in that time. 

_Didn't look out below_

_Watch the time go right out the window_

_Trying to hold on / but didn't even know_

_Wasted it all just to_

_Watch you go_

_I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart_

_What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried_

_so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

            He knew what he had to do now. He tried to convince himself that it was better this way. Tala would only have gotten in the way, he had a job to do and he couldn't afford to let anything get in his way.  Even his love for his best friend would not have worked out. The lie only hardened the walls forming around his fragile heart. He had to foil his grandfather's plans again. This time though, no one would ever see him again, there would be too much at stake.

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_One thing / I don't know why_

_It doesn't even matter how hard you try_

_Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme_

_To remind myself how_

_I tried so hard_

Kai straddled his motorcycle and revved it up. He had one small stop before he went to storm BioVolt. He was glad he had thought ahead to what would happen if Tala rejected him. He had a back up plan, and actually it would be easier with less at stake, but somehow that was a very small comfort.

_In spite of the way you were mocking me_

_Acting like I was part of your property_

_Remembering all the times you fought with me_

_I'm surprised it got so (far)_

_Things aren't the way they were before_

_You wouldn't even recognize me anymore_

            His apartment lay bare around him when he returned to it for the last time. Everything he needed was stuffed into a small duffel bag he could hook on the back of his bike. It was kind of sad, really, to see his whole life packed up in one small bag and only one had any sentimental value to him. The only thing that mattered from that bag was the last thing to go in there; a picture of himself and Tala. Tala had his arms thrown around Kai's thin waist and Kai leaning back into Tala, with his hands holding Tala's arms to him, on the beach. Kai had convinced himself what he had wanted returned to him was there in Tala's eyes, now all they seemed like were lying gems he could never have. This was the only thing coming, because it was the past he needed to move on, he couldn't dwell in the past forever and lose today. The past could only hurt him, so there was nothing from it he needed. The last thing he needed to do before he left his apartment for the last time was to close the door that connected his room to Tala's, the door that had yet to be closed. He closed and locked the door, as the last wall built up around his heart; it would take a miracle to crack the shell that had formed. As he was leaving, he gave the keys to the apartment to the land lady, and left the small prepared package for her to give to the red haired boy hat had broken him.

_Not that you knew me back then_

_But it all comes back to me_

_In the end_

_You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart_

_What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I_

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

            "If he asks about me, and where I've gone, give him this. If he doesn't ask, throw it away, burn it, whatever, it's not worth anything unless he asks for it." Kai instructed his voice ones again back to its cold and distant way. He handed the old lady the package, she gave it a funny look then looked up at Kai.

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I've put my trust in you_

_Pushed as far as I can go_

            "Are you two fighting? You two were never without the other one. You two seemed so close, closer than most couples even!" The old woman questioned as she placed the keys on the corresponding ring on the wall and slide the small box under the counter. Kai gave a small disbelieving snort and turned to leave.

_And for all this_

_There's only one thing you should know_

_I've put my trust in you_

_Pushed as far as I can go_

            "I thought we were close too, but sometimes, that's not enough and the truth doesn't come out until it's too late." With that Kai left, he never looked back at he place he had Tala had lived at for several years. There were too many memories of Tala, happy ones that now seemed so bittersweet.

            Within minutes he was outside of BioVolt ready to completely leave behind his old life, there was nothing left for him. He had to stop his grandfather, no matter the consequences for him. He had to get the plans and Black Dranzer out of there and out of his grandfather's reach forever. He wasn't sure if he'd ever walk out of that building again, and if he did what would wait for him in his new life.

_And for all this_

_There's only one thing you should know_

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

**TBC**

Thanks for reading, now PLEASE review. I love to get comments and suggestions, but understand it's my right as authoress to do what I will with comments. Again I mention flames will burn! IADM

GGKT says: Flames!  Bring on the flames!  I want Tala and Machiavelli!


	4. Goodbye to You

All the Lonely People- 4

Good Bye to You

IceAngelDarkMoon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hey everyone!! This is one of my faster updates, but this is still taking me longer than I would like. I'm sorry things are progressing so slowly, but I'm taking so really demanding classes right now. Also I don't believe in spare time (no really I'm just participating in too much!!) so I don't have a lot of free time. But I never leave stories unfinished, so you won't have to worry about me giving up and leaving you all in suspense the rest of your lives!! Thank you again for all my wonderful reviews, I must say those are good incentive to write faster!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*********I still do not own Kai, Tala, or anything of BeyBlade; if I did the show would not be for little boys anymore, but screaming bishie fans!! I also still do not own any of the songs in here, I will adapt them to fit the story but they are not mine. Last chapter was owned by Linkin Park, and this one is by Michelle Branch! Talk to them if you have any problems with the songs!!********

#####Flames will still not be tolerated, constructive criticism; yes, flames; no!! I will use the flames to warm my room which is at the moment kind of cold!! Also my beta reader will come after you and hunt you down.######

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tala third person:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Tala came home to his apartment to find that the door to Kai's room not only was closed but locked tight. Tala thought back to all the time they had lived in the apartments, and he could not think of even an instance when it was closed, not even when he had brought dates back with him. That struck him again, Kai had never brought a date back, and he couldn't even really remember the last date Kai had gone on, although he had dated a little. The door had never even been threatened to close no matter how mad they had gotten at each other. He decided when Kai didn't answer his knocking to let him be for the night. He had no idea what he would have said to Kai if he had answered the door anyway. What could he say? He didn't love Kai like that, but that didn't mean he wanted their friendship to end, did it?

            The next morning he was surprised to hear the cleaning crew in the room next to his. The maids only cleaned rooms that were getting ready for a new customer to stay there; usually tenants had to clean it themselves. As he passed the open door he was surprised to see that there was no trace Kai had ever lived there at all. There was not a picture, a spare sock, nothing, it looked like it had when Kai had first seen it, and moved in.

            He headed down to the land lady to demand some answers, he was so confused and everything was happening so fast! The poor old land lady had no idea what hit her when Tala stormed down to her counter in a foul mood from the lack of knowledge as to what was going on. She was at her usual perch behind the counter; she gave him a funny look as if trying to see what Kai had meant was there.

            "Why are they cleaning Kai's room, he's not moving out… have you seen him yet today?" Tala demanded of the old woman as he got within a yard of the counter. She looked at him in surprise to see he knew nothing of Kai's moving out and then disappearance.

            "We're cleaning out his room because he turned in his keys and moved out last night. He did leave you a package though." With that she pulled out the brown box Kai had left with her the night before. She handed it to Tala while making her bewilderment known at what was going on between the two boys, "He left it saying that if you asked about him to give it to you, if you didn't get rid of it because it has no value and is no good unless you come ask for him. Do you have any idea what he's talking about? What happened between you two? You two aren't fighting over a girl now are you? Dear me, I've seen so many good friendships ended over one lousy woman who wasn't worth it." The woman was starting to babble now, but Tala was turning away to leave.

            "I wish it were that simple, but we would never fight over a girl, we knew better than that." With that Tala turned away and returned to his room so he could open the box Kai had left him without the old lady looking over his shoulder. He was hoping it would just be telling him where Kai was and that they could still be friends, that last night was all a joke. Kai just couldn't be gone. He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye and where he was going.

            Tala opened the box as soon as he found his scissors in his kitchen. A CD, a note and a rose fell onto his lap and sat there staring at him like they were waiting for him to do something. He knew it was definitely from Kai by the rose; Kai was the only one who knew he loved the flower, especially the dark ones. Kai always gave him huge bouquets for his birthday and Christmas, and an occasional single rose on days when Tala was having a bad day. The note was a single sentence in Kai's neat handwriting. It read; "I couldn't pretend anymore." That was it nothing more nothing hidden anywhere, four simple words without even a signature.

            "Maybe the CD has some answers on it," Tala mused to himself hoping against hope that this would give him the answers he was looking for. Tala placed it gently in his CD player and turned up the volume, the CD had but one song on it.

_"Of all the things I believe in  
I just want to get it over with  
Tears from behind my eyes  
But I do not cry  
Counting the days that past me by  
  
I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
Looks like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend and I say  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I love  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems like I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
Ohhh yeah  
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time  
I want whats yours and I want whats mine  
I want you but I'm not giving in this time  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
We the stars fall and I lie awake  
Your my shooting star"_

            Tala had his answer now; Kai was gone, maybe for good. He couldn't help the silent tears that ran down his face, obscuring his vision even as he reached to press the repeat button. 

  
TBC

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I think the humor will be coming up, but the main angst will still be there! I told you I have a long suffering set up for the two because of Tala's denial of the truth, MWAHAHAHA!! Please review and let me know what you think and how you like the story! You can offer ideas, but comments but it is my right to do what I will with them (meaning I don't have to listen to you!)

IADM


	5. Man I Feel like a Woman

All the Lonely People

IceAngelDarkMoon

Hiyas! Sorry this one took FOREVER to update. Things in my life have been CRAZY! On top of all the normal everyday craziness I'm starting to gear up to taking some big new steps in my life. I've also had to deal with illness, and my own frailty (darn bones keep cracking!) Anyways I can't make any promises about the next update, but I will continue this story until it is completed, that I can promise! Anyways I want to thank my lovely beta for doing a wonderful job! And I promise I won't leave Kai like this for too long! Oh well please review and let me know what you think!

I have decided to stop writing more warning than to mention this is boy-boy love. Since heterosexual stories do not carry warnings my stories will cease to carry a warning more than to mention genders, because other than that it would make it unnatural or not normal, which is strongly against what I believe, Thanks!

Walking stiffly down the aisle and out of the plane Kai emerged in the crowded airport, and slid into the crowd. He was more uncomfortable than he had ever been in his life. But if he could live without his grandfather finding him and taking back what he had stolen it would be worth it. Or would it, his heart interjected into his thoughts, would he really be happy? Could he be happy? Sliding his sunglasses out of his hair to cover his eyes, and pulling his bag closer to his chest he made his way to the baggage claim surrounded by the masses of people. Families back from vacation, honeymooning couples, business people still talking on their cell phones; every one of them all oblivious and more-or-less caught up in themselves and their own self-pursuit. Looking around it made him wonder if everything was worth it to try and protect these people. A mental sigh and he was just focusing on his luggage, he couldn't go back, there was no room for him there even if he did, and his life before the mission was over. That Kai he had been needed to die inside of him and let go of its hold, he had to move on if he wanted a chance at being happy.

Reaching the baggage carousel he scanned it for his bag. It held only the things he would need in his new life; the one he had set up for himself. He saw the nondescript black bag come around the bend. As it reached him he leaned in and put his slight weight into pulling it free from the rest. Surprisingly it pulled free easily, or at least he thought so until he looked up. There was a young man standing in front of him holding on to the other side of his bag. The man had obviously helped to pull the bag free for him. Giving him a quick once over to make sure he was just an innocent bystander and not someone who was stalking him, Kai found him to be an attractive young man. He was a little older than Kai, maybe a just out of college or going into graduate school kind of guy, that's what he looked like too, a college guy. The guy smiled at him.

"Can't let a pretty little thing like you work too hard," he stated with a slight drawl, as he lowered the bag to the ground for Kai. Kai gave him a weak smile, and carefully made sure his skirt was still in place. Kai took a deep breath as it slowly sank in to him that this was what he might have to deal with the rest of his life, and he wasn't sure if it would be a good or bad thing.

"Thanks," he whispered quietly. Pulling up the handle of his suitcase, Kai turned to leave until he felt the hand on his shoulder. He half turned and saw the man had stopped him.

"Wait I never introduced myself, it was pretty rude of me. My name's Nick Smith." His voice was warm and inviting, but Kai knew that no matter how much he knew he needed to start his life over, he wasn't quite ready for anything just yet.

"I'm Kay," he mumbled quietly. He saw Nick's look when he didn't mention a last name, but he didn't want this to go anywhere.

"You look like a Kay. I was wondering if you'd like to go grab a cup of coffee with me at that little café over there?" He pointed to the little corner shop still in the airport. His face was eager, but Kai wouldn't be swayed.

"I'm sorry I have to go, I have to get my dorm room. Besides I've already got a boyfriend. I'm sorry." He turned away and started for the exit again, he didn't look back.

"It was nice to meet you anyway." Nick called to Kai from behind him, Kai just kept for the exit. He didn't stop until he was on a bus to his college. His new life would start there; Lirael College, an all women, private, and exceptional college.

It hadn't crossed his mind at all to hide from his grandfather as a female until the day before he left. He had been looking at himself in the mirror. He had been trying to figure out if there was anything Tala could possible see in him. He thought to himself despairingly that if he had only been a girl he could have at least a chance with Tala. That's when it hit him. His grandfather would look for him, that he was sure of, but his grandfather would never look for him disguised as a female.

His plans had escalated from that point. He had secured his place at the all girls' college. He had set up new accounts and records. Lastly he had made an appointment with a head of a transgender organization. He figured this person would be able to help him figure out how to be a girl.

That night that Tala had killed his heart Kai had been busy. After cleaning out his apartment and leaving the box for Tala he had headed over to the office of his grandfather at BioVolt's headquarters. Once there he had completed the mission and gotten everything he needed to stop Voltaire from taking over the world. He had also destroyed the building after he left; it was easily done with many pipe bombs. His training at the abbey had prepared him well for his mission, it was ironic to him, but he didn't laugh about it. After that was over he had gone to the airport and flown out to meet with the transgendered official. They had worked for a week in the city on making Kai into a girl. He had left with the full guarantee of his teacher that he made one heck of a girl and he was sure to get a lot of guys!

After leaving that city he had flown to another city and then hid in the woods for a month and a half. He had to wait out the summer until it was time for college to start. While out in the woods he worked some more on his disguise, and let his two-toned blue hair grow out until the top light hair hid the darker tones from the world. He had also used Voltaire's plans for himself. He had fused Dranzer and Dark Dranzer. He knew it was a risky move, but he knew that if he controlled the new beast and won it over to be loyal to him, there was no way Voltaire would use it for evil later. It didn't take very long for the fusion to be completed but a large area of trees had died in the vicinity of the fusion of the bit beasts.

In a moment of loneliness and need for resolution he had written a letter to Rei. He knew he should have at least said goodbye to his other closest friend. But there hadn't been time. On a piece of notebook paper he had written simply, "I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but there wasn't time. You were always a very good friend to me, I'll miss you, but don't come looking for me. If Tala asks, tell him I'm sorry I screwed up our friendship. I hope you live a long happy life, I'm sorry things had to end like this. K" He wasn't sure why he had left a message to Tala through Rei, but he couldn't convince himself to erase it. He knew it wasn't a fair thing to ask Rei not to come looking, but it was for the neko lover's best interest. He had driven to another state to mail it without an address, and then he had hopped on a plane to his new life. His life as Kay Beltane.

At the end of the month and a half, he was ready to be in the real world again. He was a little nervous about whether or not others would realize his disguise, and how if he were to be discovered, he would be treated. But he was tired of living alone with only his thoughts to keep him company; he needed something to take his mind off of his past.

The bus pulled up to a stop in front of his new dorm. He took a deep breath and pulled his suitcase off the bus with him. He checked in at the lobby of the dorm and got his room key and room assignment. He located the room without much trouble at all. Carefully he swung the door open and peeked in.

His roommate had obviously beaten him in arrival, but what struck him the most was the vibrancy of half the room. It was like a rainbow had exploded on that half of the room. He stepped into the split room and glanced over at the side that was designated for him. There was a bed, desk, small book shelf and a closet unit. It was pleasant but small. Out of nowhere he was attacked from behind by a small ball of energetic energy. One that was just as colorful as the room.

"Hiyas! You must be my roommate!" The bright ball of energy gushed as it slowly pulled away to get a better look at him. Kai could now see it was girl about five inches shorter than him. She had brown eyes and bright curly blonde hair. "I'm so excited to meet you, I'm Ella Sylvia!" She took a breath to pause and Kai tossed his stuff on his bed. "Gosh you're pretty you're sure gonna get a lot of attention when we go to town!" Kai looked at her uncertainly; he wasn't really sure what to make of the energetic midget (not meant derogatorily, it's gonna be a term of endearment later!)

Slowly as if afraid she might attack him again, Kai slowly held a hand out to her and offered, "I'm Kay Beltane."

"Sorry about being so energetic, I'm not usually this wired; I'm just really excited to FINALLY be free of my parents." Ella put forth, shaking his hand enthusiastically. Kai was glad to hear that she wasn't ALWAYS quite so hyper. But he found he couldn't help the small smile that crossed his lips, her mood was infectious. "I know what do you say about ordering in pizza? My treat?" Ella asked bouncing up and down a little. "This way we could stay here, let you unpack, get to know each other, and do girlie things! We could also pop in a DVD; I just got my stuff set up!" Kai couldn't hold in a small giggle at the girl's exuberance, he couldn't find it in himself to say no. He nodded his head which lead to squealing and hugging on Ella's part. "Here you go ahead and start unpacking, I'll go order the pizza."

An hour later found Kai comfortable settled in and eating pizza with Ella. They had put in Queen of the Damned because Ella loved Lestat. Kai had to admit Stuart Townsend, who portrayed him, was pretty hot. They had talked for a while, more like Ella had talked and Kai had listened for a while they waited for the pizza to come. Kai knew she would be one of his closest friends in his new life. After the movie had ended they took turns using their attached bath and got ready for bed.

"Oh who's that?" Ella asked as Kai came out of the bathroom. He saw she was pointing to the picture of himself and Tala- the only thing he had of his past. His breath caught in his throat as he looked at the picture, he felt all the pain he had forgotten while watching the movie come rushing back.

"He was someone I knew once." Kai whispered and pulled the picture from her hands and place it back on the shelf. He was surprised by the silence that followed and Ella's lack of questions. He figured she must have gotten the hint.

"Come on, let's paint our nails!" Ella cried and pulled out a basket of multi colored polishes.

"I don't know how, I've never done that before." Kai admitted quietly.

"WHAT!" Ella cried. She latched on to his arm and pulled him over to her bed. She forced him to sit down and hold out his hands. "This is a very important skill to learn. What color do you want?" Looking in the basket carefully Kai couldn't help but spot the one he wanted. It was a vibrant blue, the same hue as Tala's eyes. He pointed to it. Ella nodded and shook it and started to paint his nails.

"So do you still love him?" She asked after a few moments of silence, she was still facing his hands holding one while she painted them. Kai was too shocked for a moment to speak. Ella interpreted the silence as his not understanding the questions, "The red-head in the photo, do you still love him?" It was such a loaded question and she didn't understand the half of it.

"I never said I loved him in the first place." Kai said slowly. He didn't really want to think about it, he just wanted to forget about it.

"It's obvious from the picture you both loved each other very much." Ella stated matter-of-factly. Kai couldn't help as his eyes drifted over to the photo. He was held in Tala's strong arms, he could still feel them around his waist if he closed his eyes.

"I wish that had been the case." Kai whispered, almost brokenly. Ella nodded her understanding.

"You still didn't answer my question."

"Yes." Kai whispered so quietly he wasn't sure she had heard him. She looked up and met his eyes.

"That's what I thought; he's a fool to have let someone like you go! There are better guys out there then." Ella smiled at him reassuringly, and suddenly he didn't feel AS bad, but it didn't chase away his pain. Ella capped the paint as she finished her nails in record time. She leaned over Kai and turned on her CD player. Shania Twain blasted out of the speakers. "Come on lets dance while we let our nails dry and celebrate being gals!" Kai knew his life would never be what it had been, but Ella made the new life not so bleak. And so Kai danced and he laughed for real for the first time since that night with Tala.

"_I'm going out tonight_

_I'm feelin' alright_

_Gonna__ let it all hang out_

_Wanna__ make some noise_

_really__ raise my voice_

_Yeah, I wanna scream and shout_

_No inhibitions_

_Make no conditions_

_Get a little outta line_

_I ain't gonna act politically correct_

_I only wanna have a good time_

_The best thing about being a woman_

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..._

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy_

_Forget I'm a lady_

_Men's shirts, short skirts_

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild_

_Yeah, doin' it in style_

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action_

_Feel the attraction_

_Color my hair, do what I dare_

_I wanna be free and feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

_Girls need a break_

_Tonight we're gonna take_

_The chance to get out on the town_

_We don't need romance_

_We only wanna dance_

_We're gonna let our hair hang down_

_The best thing about being a woman_

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..._

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy_

_Forget I'm a lady_

_Men's shirts, short skirts_

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild_

_Yeah, doin' it in style_

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action_

_Feel the attraction_

_Color my hair, do what I dare_

_I wanna be free and feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

_The best thing about being a woman_

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..._

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy_

_Forget I'm a lady_

_Men's shirts, short skirts_

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild_

_Yeah, doin' it in style_

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action_

_Feel the attraction_

_Color my hair, do what I dare_

_I wanna be free and feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

_I get totally crazy_

_Can you feel it_

_Come, come, come on baby_

_I feel like a woman"_

**TBC**

Thank you for continuing to read this story. I'm not sure when the next update will be, but it will happen! Please review, it'll speed the process up! IADM


	6. Here With Me

All the Lonely People-6

**IceAngelDarkMoon**

Ummm well things in my life are crazy. I guess I'm finally starting to grow up a little. Unfortunately this cuts a HUGE wedge into my creative writing time. (Cuts it all out really!) I can't promise when other chapters will get finished, but I WILL finish this story if it takes YEARS (hahaha it shouldn't!) but I've already cut down the number of chapters I was planning on, but I think that's for the best. Some of the chapters were just because I liked the songs! So anyways please forgive all grammar and technical errors, I do have a beta but we are not Gods (that you know of! ) Please leave your comments and questions! IADM

For those of you who have not understood me, by my fault or yours, Kai is NOT a girl; he is merely dressed as one. He did not have surgery he is still his normal self…only in a dress with long hair and now nail polish! Don't worry he does not stay by choice but by fear for the world and for his friends mostly, they're safe if he's presumed dead!

Normal warning: don't like boys who like boys then we don't like you so LEAVE! The rest of you screaming fan girls are welcome to stay!

Italics are song lyrics as if you couldn't figure that out!

* * *

It took almost the rest of the morning for Tala to feel up to facing the world. Even then it was only for a cup of a warm drink, maybe chai. As soon as he thought that though he felt a hard sting of regret, chai had always been Kai's favorite drink. Maybe he'd go for hot chocolate instead. He grabbed a hat and sunglasses to hide his red and puffy eyes and trudged towards his favorite coffee shop.

"One hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream please," Tala asked in a weary voice at the register.

"That will be 4 dollars, sir." Tala just nodded his head mutely and pulled out the change. As he handed it to her she looked up at him. "Oh hey Tala, I almost didn't recognize you, what with the hat and glasses on." The girl winked and put the change away in the machine. "So where is your other half today? Is he incognito too?" The girl started looking behind Tala as if she could find Kai somewhere in the crowd. Tala couldn't remember the girl's name only that she always worked in the café when he and Kai came in. Just thinking about Kai that much made Tala cringe.

"No he's not here today." Tala stated with as little emotion as he could manage, which added a very icy chill to his words. The girl stopped trying to peer around the shop. She looked at Tala and his outfit and cringed.

_It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror_

_I guess that I was blind_

_Now my reflection's getting clearer_

_Now that you're gone things will never be the same again_

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, did you two have a fight or something?"

"Kind of, we're just not on good terms right now." Tala didn't know why he was telling her this; she had no right to know. Somewhere he realized he needed to talk to someone about this. His mind immediately brought up Kai, he was the one Tala always turned to. But what do you do when the one you should be able to turn to is the one that made you turn in the first place?

"Oh well tell him I say 'hi' when you two make up." The girl was back to her bright and bouncy self. She reached over and handed Tala his hot chocolate. "Careful not to burn yourself." Tala dutifully took the coffee and took it to the farthest table. He grabbed a newspaper on his way over. Sitting down he started to brood by himself.

How could he tell Kai 'hi' when they made up if he didn't know 'if' they were going to make up? For that matter what could he do when he didn't even have a clue where Kai could have gone? He had a feeling that Kai was no longer in Tokyo. He knew that if Kai didn't want to be found for a while he wouldn't be found. Sighing, Tala gave up and decided to just enjoy the extra whipped cream and the hot chocolate and catch up on the latest news.

_There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day_

_You're such a part of me_

_But I just pulled away_

_Well, I'm not the same girl_

_you used to know_

_I wish I said the words I never showed_

"Oh my Gods," Tala whispered to himself as he looked on the front cover of the newspaper. There in front of him was the smoking wreckage of what had once been BioVolt. It was almost all gone. Reading the article he found that something 'top secret' and 'of great importance' to the world had been stolen and then the place had been bombed from the inside out. Tala realized in with the words 'bombed from the inside out' that it had been Kai; they had been taught how to make bombs and that the most effective way to destroy something was from the inside.

Further down the article he read that the police had no suspect. But instead of making Tala calmer the next sentence chilled him to the bone. The police believed that the bomber had not made it out of the building before it collapsed. There was too much rubble to tell but it was a very strong hunch on their part. The quote from Voltaire himself did nothing to ease Tala's worry. "I believe I knew who committed this heinous crime, but I also believe that this person has paid for his crime with his life. He took some very important research with him to the grave that will be near impossible to replicate."

Tala couldn't read any more. He knew why Kai had told him the night before that he had feelings for Tala. He had already had plans to take down Voltaire's newest scheme. But he was left wondering if maybe his answer had pushed Kai over the edge and made him choose suicide. Tala couldn't deal with that thought; he left the paper and the hot chocolate on the table and left. He wanted to believe that Kai was smarter than to die by being crushed, but his conscious was telling him no matter what, even if Kai had just run away it was all his fault. He still had to believe that Kai was alive somewhere, he had to, he wasn't sure what he would do if they proved that Kai had died in that blast.

_I know you had to go away_

_I died just a little, and I feel it now_

_You're the one I need_

_I believe that I would cry just a little_

_Just to have you back now_

_Here with me_

_Here with me_

As soon as he walked into his apartment his phone rang. He raced to it; no one ever called him except for Kai. He picked it up with a shaking hand.

"Hello?" He asked quietly listening for any sound on the other end. He heard someone take a shaky breath.

"Hey Tala, its Rei. Where is Kai?" He sounded frantic but trying to cover it. Tala let out a slow breath of disappointment.

"Hey Rei, I was hoping you had some news about him. I haven't seen him since we argued last night. I'm so sorry." Tala tried to keep himself from breaking down.

_You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart_

_And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true_

_But I was scared and left it all behind_

"No I don't believe it. I can't he can't have died in that blast he was too smart for that. Wasn't he?" Rei was crying. Tala just made sure his emotions were firmly in check.

"I don't think he was in that blast either, but I don't doubt he set those blasts. He knew exactly how to set them off and get out of there, I know because we were trained together. I can't believe he would die like that." Tala tried to be reassuring and assure himself that he was speaking the truth and not some false hope.

"You're right, it's not like they've found any bodies yet or anything. He can't be dead. Please call me if you hear anything, anything at all." Rei still sounded very upset.

"I will, and if…if you hear from him please let me know. And if you can would you let him know I'm sorry." Tala didn't know what possessed him to say that, but he knew if anything Rei would hear from Kai before he did.

"I'm sure he already knows that. He really cares for you even if he doesn't always show it. You mean a lot to him." Rei sounded like he knew a lot more about Kai and his emotions than he was really letting on. Tala knew that if it had been about him Kai would have talked to Rei.

"I'm not sure that's the case any more. I'm sorry, I have to go." Tala hung up the phone before Rei could say anything. He decided to try and sleep some more, he just couldn't deal with this at all.

_I know you had to go away_

_I died just a little, and I feel it now_

_You're the one I need_

_I believe that I would cry just a little_

_Just to have you back now_

_Here with me_

_Here with me_

A little over a month passed for Tala, but he didn't even notice. He trudged though his daily work not even realizing the days were passing him by. There was no one there when he got home. No one to surprise him with lunch. No one there with him everywhere. There was no one there to comfort him in their secret spot. His heart grew numb, and at times he wasn't even sure he was still alive. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with himself or how to fix it. All his free time was spent trying to find some clue to the whereabouts of his missing friend and roommate. He couldn't find any clue that Kai was even still alive, and he was growing more and more hopeless as the days dragged on. Everywhere he went there were reminders of the life he had had with Kai, a life that was not the same anymore.

RING. RING.

"Hello." Tala mumbled into the phone. He almost didn't even realize he had picked up the phone.

"Are you sitting down?" The excited voice of Rei came through very loudly over the phone.

"Yeah, why?" Tala asked not really interested. He had talked to Rei a few times since the bombing but there was no new news on Kai from either of them.

"I just got a letter from him!" Rei shouted into the phone.

"Him? You mean…"

"Yes Kai. He's alive or was sometime this past month. Here let me read it to you, he mentions you in here." Tala could hear Rei basically bouncing off the walls. He was still in shock himself. Kai wasn't dead. Kai wasn't dead!

"He mentioned me?" Tala was incredulous, maybe Kai would come home to him. Maybe they could work things out. Maybe they had a chance to repair their friendship. Maybe even take it to something further….Tala stopped himself at that thought. He didn't want anything more did he?

"Yeah but just listen. 'I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but there wasn't time. You were always a very good friend to me, I'll miss you, but don't come looking for me. If Tala asks, tell him I'm sorry I screwed up our friendship. I hope you live a long happy life, I'm sorry things had to end like this. K'" Rei paused for a moment. "You there Tala? What do you make of this?"

_And I'm asking_

_And I'm wanting you to come back to me_

_Please?_

Tala stood in shock and let the words roll over in his mind. The tears started to pour down his face. He couldn't see, and couldn't stop the sob that racked his body. "It's all my fault, not his. It's all my fault, it's mine not his. It's mine not his." Tala couldn't support himself anymore he collapsed to the ground sobbing and mumbling about it being his fault. He had driven Kai away. There was no way he could make this better, he had messed up horribly and hurt the person he cared about most.

"Tala what are you talking about? Please talk to me, why is he running away, what happened?" Rei sounded really worried. Tala couldn't stop his tears he just sobbed into the phone.

"Our fight- it was my fault, he knew how I'd react, he knew he was leaving. It's all my fault I pushed him away. I…I…" He couldn't go on he just continued crying. Kai hadn't written to him, Kai was through with him, Kai was moving on without Tala.

"Tala, I'm coming over. We need to talk this out. Are you going to be ok? Honestly, are you going to still be alive when I get there late tonight?" Rei wasn't joking he knew from their earlier conversations that Kai and Tala hadn't parted on the best terms, but he didn't think there was anything they could have fought over to have this drastic of an outcome.

"I'll…be…ok. I need to go and collect myself. I'll have the land…lady let you up if I'm out still." Tala hung up and slowly pulled himself off the floor.

He let himself out of his apartment, and headed down to the old land lady. He told her to let Rei into his room if he wasn't back before Rei. She looked like she was going to ask him some questions but he just walked away. He had to figure some things out.

He headed to the only place that he could think of; their secret spot. He had been their since their fight, but he couldn't go near the spot where they usually lay on the ground. It was in the direct middle, where the trees couldn't obscure any part of the night sky. He forced himself to walk to the spot and lay down there. He was going to make himself figure things out even if he knew he didn't really want to know. Laying there on the sand he swore he could feel Kai next to him in the sand, his head lightly resting on Tala's shoulder. Kai's breath would be tickling his neck, and sending shivers down his spine. He knew that he would give anything to have that dream become real.

_I never will forget that look upon_

_your face_

_How you turned away and left_

_without a trace_

_But I understand that you did what you had to do_

_And I thank you_

The wind picked up in the spot. He swore he heard it whispering to him. He heard their last moments together. ""I think… no I know I love you, in more than a friendship way." "I'm sorry Kai." ""It's alright, I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought you should know all the same." The wind taunted him, teased him. Made him feel like scum.

The tears started down his cheeks yet again. Why had this hurt him so much? Kai was just a friend, wasn't he? Tala hadn't even noticed when his old team split up, nor did he care that he hadn't seen any of them in close to a year or more. Why did losing Kai hurt so badly when he was just a friend? It took Tala a moment before he knew he had to confront himself, he was lying. Kai wasn't just a friend, he was so much more. He had lied to Kai. He had lied to Kai!

He knew he couldn't hide it from himself anymore. He loved Kai more than he could even comprehend. How could he not have seen this before? How could he have been so blind, and caused so much pain for Kai? He deserved this pain he was feeling. It was his fault, all of it was his fault, he would never have another chance with Kai; he had blown it. He had lost the love of his life before he even realized it.

He lay on the beach watching the sky darken and the stars appear. He cried until he could cry no more. He knew he had to find Kai. He had to find Kai and apologize; even if Kai wouldn't take him back he had to find the blue haired beauty. He needs to see him one last time, if even to say good bye for good.

_I know you had to go away_

_I died just a little, and I feel it now_

_You're the one I need_

_I believe that I would cry just a little_

_Just to have you back now_

He trudged back to his apartment only to be greeted by the worried neko-lover. Rei's face was pained, but he didn't say anything until Tala had sat down, and faced him.

"You better start telling me what happened. I want to help but I'm in the dark." Rei pleaded with an earnest face.

"It's my fault he's gone. We were at our spot and he…he," Tala tried to tell himself he wasn't going to cry but he couldn't help it. "He said he loved me. I…I told him that I didn't love him like that. And…and he said he never expected me to but that I should know all the same. B…But I just realized I lied I l…l…love him." Tala found himself being held in a tight hug by Rei. Tala just held on and cried. Rei whispered softly to him and rubbed his back.

"It's ok it's not your fault, you were confused. But poor, poor Kai, he must have tried to stop his grandfather. He must think he's protecting us. He's loved you for a long time, and I bet he was already pretty upset even before he told you." Rei tried to comfort Tala while he tried to figure it all out exactly.

"Now I'll never get the chance to tell him I'm sorry, or that I love him. I love him so much."

_Here with me_

_Here with me_

**TBC**

Hey all thank you for reading this all the way through. I don't own the song. This is by Michelle Branch. I highly suggest this song; I was listing to it the entire time I wrote this chapter. This is the main reason I wrote this story. I was originally only going to use Michelle Branch songs but I found some others that I just couldn't help but use! I hope this was worth the wait. I promise I'll get our cuties back together at some point (death counts as a point doesn't it?...Just kidding….or am I?...)

PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW MY EFFORTS WERE NOT IN VAIN! Thank you! IADM


	7. Listen to Your Heart

All the Lonely People-7

IceAngelDarkMoon

Hey all, this was one of my shortest turn around! I only ran into a little trouble getting it betaed, but it has been! Sorry for the wait! Enjoy the chapter!

I don't own the characters or the song, just in case you've missed that fact before!

Kai stood alone out on the terrace, letting the wind whip his long. It had passed so quickly, four years were gone. Tomorrow he would have to decide where he was going from here. He had worked for four years at the college and earned his degree, but tomorrow where would he go? For four years he had had a place to call his own. He had made new friends; he had made a new life. He had felt almost happy again, but then without realizing it he would start to miss his old life. He missed being Kai not Kay. He missed that when they had called his name today to accept his diploma there was no one there for him. Only his friends and their families that he had gotten to know over the four years.

Having studied for four years in a campus that could be a world unto itself he had no idea where to go. He had no real purpose. He had his degree but that was it. He had saved the world once without it ever knowing, and yet he couldn't even decide what to do with himself. He made himself ignore a smaller voice in his head that whispered to go back to find everyone. He knew there was still a viable threat; his grandfather was still a very powerful man. He knew that in all likelihood he should stay in the states, he had grown to like it here.

"Hey you!" A cheery voice called to him from the double doors that led to the terrace. Ella came bounding over. She launched herself at him and attached herself to his middle, as usual. Over the past four years Ella had become his closest friend. The one person he was closest to, but could still not tell the complete truth to. She had not grown an inch since they met, whereas Kai had grown another few inches. It made their friendship all the more bizarre to everyone else. Ella who seemed so small compared to 'Kay' would constantly latch on to the taller girl, but most people just took it in stride.

"I knew I'd find you brooding out here somewhere." Ella chided him. "Come on this is our last time here with everyone. You're supposed to be happy. We've finally earned our degree, and now we're off for the real world." Kai gave her a wry smirk.

"I've been in the real world; it's not that great of a place. I almost wish I could just stay here." He smiled at her, but he knew there was a little bit of melancholy to his words. It was out in the 'real world' that he had had his heart broken. In four years he still couldn't forget that red head he had shared so much with. Nor could he seem to move on. His few attempts at dating had been disastrous. That, and he was still a guy dressed up as a girl. It seemed odd to him that no one had seemed to figure that one out, but he counted it as good luck. Giving a sigh he muttered to himself, "At least here things made sense."

"Hey you, come on you're supposed to be celebrating." Ella gave him a dirty look from her spot on his stomach.

"Well, if I had any idea where I was going tomorrow I would celebrate, but I don't. I don't have a job; I don't even have a career in mind. And it's not like I have anyone I can stay with while I try to figure it out." He clapped a hand over his mouth at that. He hadn't meant to let on that he had no idea what was going to happen tomorrow, and he especially hadn't want to mention not having anyone to stay with. Ella gave him a half surprised and half knowing look.

"Alright, we're leaving right now. We have several things we need to talk over!" Her tone gave no room for argument. Kai just rolled his eyes and let Ella drag him to the apartment near the party they had just left. They had decided to rent an apartment together after their sophomore year. It had been nice to be able to live a little more secluded.

"Alright we've needed to have this talk for a long time, but I was never sure when to bring it up." Ella started as she pulled them both down to sit on the old couch in their living area. "You need to start talking, and then thinking about some things, while I barge in and start shoving you in the right direction." She was using her commanding voice again, the one that meant she would not give in until one of them died, which wasn't looking like a possibility.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Kai tried to play dumb, that and he really wasn't sure what Ella meant. He really wasn't sure what Ella wanted from him.

"Alright Kay, play dumb, this will just take longer. Either that or force me to use force." She glared at Kai for a moment. He knew she meant it too! "Why don't you start with your family? You've never really talked about them once in the four years we've known each other. You've never gone to visit them in four years, nor have you received a phone call or piece of mail from them. And not just family, anyone! Where is any of the contact with the people you knew before college? Not a phone call, not a piece of mail, nor even an e-mail to my knowledge, from ANYONE from your past! Why?" She was starting to get louder as she ranted on. She was really getting into it, it was like she had had it pent up for a long time and was bursting to get it all out. She stared at him intently, and he found he could no longer look her in the eye. None of that had ever crossed his mind. He had seen all the mail she always received, answered the phone from all Ella's old friends. He had even met her parents many times, many times over the holidays he had spent at her house. He never stopped to consider how weird he must have seemed to her and her family, not having a past that they knew of.

"I…I'm not really sure what you want to hear." He finally whispered while staring at his hands in his lap. He twirled a piece of his long hair in his fingers. He had let it grow since he left Tokyo, you couldn't even see any of the other color anymore. It was hidden underneath just like the real him was hidden underneath the girl façade.

"Well how about we start with who you even are! There is no record of any Kay Beltane anywhere except for here. No birth record, nothing but your application. Which states you're from Tokyo, but there still isn't a birth certificate? But even stranger than that in your sleep you mutter not in Japanese but Russian. Why? Who are you really? Please I just want to understand who you really are so I can help. Nothing you say will change how I think of you, I just need to know!" She was pleading a little by now, but Kai knew she was not going to give up. She would find out one way or another.

"Russia." Was all he could get out at first. He glanced up to her eyes and found her giving him a puzzled look. "Russia, that's where I was born, if there was a birth certificate I've never seen it. So if you found it, it would have been news to me." He gave her one of his half smiles, the ones that never reached his eyes.

"Russia? But what about your parents, surely they had it?" Her voice was quieter to match his. Kai gave a mirthless laugh.

"You asked why I've never talked about my parents or talked to them in four years. Would you be surprised if I said I haven't talked to my parents in 22ish years?"

"But you're…" She trailed into a brief pause.

"Yes I'm only 22, I never had any parents. None that I can remember." He saw Ella clasp her hands over her mouth realizing she had asked such a loaded question. "Are you sure you want to hear this? If I continue on you can't tell a soul, it could be your life at stake." He knew his words sounded harsh, but if she talked Voltaire could come after her, and she would be a weak point for him.

"I only wanted to help you; you've carried so much by yourself. I want to help, anything you say to me will never leave this room. I just want to help you!" She reached out and grasped his hand lightly and gave it a squeeze and left it there. It was letting Kai know she really cared about him.

"Alright, but there is a lot that might seem a bit far fetched to you. But it's the truth. I was raised at an abbey in Russia by some really evil men, but leading these men was the man who claimed to be my grandfather. Instead of raising us they trained us to be their own personal army. I got away for a while, and then met up with some of these other guys in a competition, while my grandfather used them to try and gain some power. I got help and we went back, and freed the kids and torched the place. The older ones came to live with my team. It just so happened the red headed guy in that photo you always ask about moved into my room. It took a little while for us to get along, and then we were best friends."

"As the years passed we got really close, we even moved to adjoining apartments when we moved out. I realized I had fallen in love with him, just about the same time I found out my grandfather was up to another evil plot. So I told him, he didn't feel the same so that was it. I went and stopped my grandfather, and disappeared so he wouldn't go after the people I cared about. And that's why I never have any contact with anyone, I know he's still looking for me, he'll want me dead." Kai looked at her waiting for her questions and disbelief. Instead Ella gave him a slightly puzzled look than opened her mouth and shut it without making a noise. She frowned and tried again.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize how big of a deal it was that you left. I just assumed you had had a fight with your parents or something and never forgave them."

"No I just can't put them all at risk again. That man who claims to be my grandfather is evil, he has no problems hurting anyone, and especially if it were to get at me so that's why you can't talk about this." Kai sighed a little. He still thought she probably didn't believe him, but he didn't care. It felt good to have that out instead of all bottled up inside.

"I just have one question about your story." She paused and Kai nodded for her to continue. "Why did they let the red head move into your room?" She looked really puzzled by this. Kai laughed freely about that, out of everything he said of course Ella would ask about that one detail.

"Well two reasons really." He started to tick them off on his fingers. "One, all of that team he was on moved in with one person from my team. There wasn't room for everyone to have their own room. And two…" he paused making sure she was paying attention. She nodded and leaned forward. "And two, I'm not Kay Beltane." Ella quirked an eyebrow at him as if to say, 'Yes I already know this but your point is?'

"He was allowed to move into my room because I'm not Kay, I'm Kai." He paused as some understanding started to creep across her face, but it was still too slow for him. He rolled his eyes at her and sighed. "I'm not a girl, I'm a guy." He saw the immediate understanding cross her face. He wasn't sure what to expect after that so he slowly stood up and started walking away in case she decided to get violent. He wasn't sure how she would react to the fact she had lived with a guy for the past four years. Kai though was surprised to find himself tackled from behind in a hug.

"It all makes sense now!" Ella squealed while still clinging to him tightly.

"Huh?" was the most intelligent response Kai could utter at the moment. Ella pulled away a little so she could talk without mumbling into Kai's side.

"I just mean all the little things that haven't added up for these four years. But also it makes more sense with your relationship."

"What do you mean?" Kai asked he was really hoping she wouldn't bring that up.

"Look, I'm sorry I asked so many questions about your past tonight, when you should have just been out having a good time. But I was going to talk to you about Tala and whatever you had with him before you came." She sighed and watched him for a response. It took a moment then he looked up at her sharply.

"What did you call him?" His voice was sharp with pain and bewilderment.

"By his name, and no, you never told me. Just wait, I'll explain that part in just a moment." Kai sighed and shrugged, there wasn't any way he could stop her. But it had just reopened the wound on his heart to hear his name again. He saw flashes of that night on the beach, and his eyes clouded up with tears, but he wouldn't let them fall, not this time.

"In all the time that you knew him did you ever have a fight over anything?" Ella looked at him earnestly. Kai stopped a moment to consider this.

"Yes, I think we had one or two."

"And did you ever say things that you didn't mean to say?"

"I think we both did."

"And how did you get over it?"

"We both apologized and resolved the issue."

"Exactly, you two were caught up in the moment and said things I'm sure you regretted, but you had the chance to apologize and work through it." Ella gave him a knowing look.

"What do you mean?" Kai was suddenly starting to catch her drift.

"I mean he could have had one of those moments when you confessed. He said the first thing that popped in his head. He didn't have time to consider how he really felt. But more you didn't give him time to explain himself or work things out. I'm not saying it's your fault, I just think you might still have a chance. If nothing else I think you threw away a very important friendship."

"Do you have any idea how painful it is to be around the one you love, and you can't have them? I couldn't take it anymore. But obviously this really hasn't helped either." Kai was too tired now to really feel any anger or any other strong emotion for this whole conversation.

"My point exactly! Just listen to me for a moment I think what I have to say will really help." Ella looked at him and Kai sighed.

"Fine I won't interrupt."

Ok here it goes. _'I know there's something in the wake of your smile. I get a notion from the look in your eyes. You've built a love but that love falls apart. Your little piece of heaven turns too dark._'" Kai gave her a funny look as she said this.

"Those are song lyrics that you borrowed." Kai was surprised by the hand that came out to hit him on the shoulder. He yelped and then held it looking at Ella in surprise.

"You said you wouldn't interrupt. I know these are lyrics but they apply to you, just listen to me. And next time you interrupt I get the duct tape out!" Kai nodded mutely, still rubbing his arm.

"_Listen to your heart when he's calling for you_. _Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do. I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, but listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye."_ Kai sat there and listened quietly to the words and tried to see how they fit him and Tala. He realized they fit perfectly. The first part had been true his love had seemed to fall apart, and his friendship he had so treasured with Tala seemed to be tarnished. But what about his heart?

"_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile._

_The precious moments are all lost in the tide._

_They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,_

_The feeling of belonging to your dreams_."

Was it worthwhile to fight for Tala? Not if Tala didn't feel the same for him, but what about if they could just be friends again, would that be worth it? All the time they had spent together before Kai realized his feelings came rushing back to him in a wave, all the fun they had had. The comfort of just being understood was nice. But now they seemed like they belonged to another world.

"_And there are voices  
that want to be heard.  
So much to mention  
but you can't find the words.  
The scent of magic,  
the beauty that's been  
when love was wilder than the wind_."

Why had Ella waited for four years to talk to him about his "lost love"? Was she seeing something in all of this that he wasn't?

"_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do.  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye._"

Kai felt the tears sting his eyes again, but he still wouldn't let them fall. He knew that his heart wanted to try again. He could go back for one more time, one last try. If that failed like he was sure it would he would write that part of him off forever, he would force himself to move on this time. Even as he resolved this his heart called to him, to try once more.

"Thank you." Kai whispered when he could speak. Ella nodded and moved over so she was hugging him. She pulled back and started rummaging around in her pockets.

"I have one last thing; this is kind of my final push." She found what she had been looking for but held it concealed in her hand. "I have one thing to explain, I promised I would. His name…Tala." She paused not looking at Kai but seemed instead to be uncomfortable and looked around the room.

"I decided that first night when you wouldn't talk about it to try and figure out what happened and if I could help. Well it took a long time, especially since I didn't know a thing really about either of you, as I again realized tonight." She paused and gave him a small smile. "Well I tried a lot of things to see if I could find him. Then one day by chance I saw a red head in the news while I was surfing the web. I recognized him immediately as the guy from your photo, even though he had changed a little. They had his name and a lot of praise for him in his work. While I decided to keep tabs on him for a little bit to see if it was a good idea to suggest you try again."

"He always seemed so sad; his smiles never reached his eyes, not like in your photograph. He was always alone too. But then just a few days ago I saw something that was a total surprise. It seems he is holding a big old fashioned party to try and find someone to marry." Kai stared at her in shock. First at her tenacity to try and find him and then the news itself.

"But why? A party doesn't seem like a good idea?" Kai asked quietly.

"That's what I thought, but it seems it is hosted by his boss. His boss wants him to marry before he takes over the company from the boss. The boss seems to have known him for a long time, but I guess from your story that can't be possible. It seems almost more like a publicity stunt." Ella shook her head at that. "But I was thinking it would be a great time for you to go back. See if there is anything there for you or not. At least get some closure one way or another."

"But to cause a scene at his big party?" Kai was shocked by this idea.

"No, it's a costume party, everyone but him has to wear a mask to try and even things up. I told you, its totally retro; waltzes and slow dances. Obviously a little Cinderellaish…" She seemed really excited by this.

"But I assume you have to have an invitation for this, or at least credentials." Kai's heart was speeding up at the thought of seeing Tala once more, even if it was just to properly say goodbye. Especially if he didn't even have to confront him.

"Well it just so happens I was one of the people to get an invitation. I did a little hacking here and there and also used a little money. But here it is, your ticket in." She held it out to him looking expectantly at him. "I even have the perfect outfit for you, since I assume you'll still go hidden as a girl. I can also help with getting a plane ride too." She looked at him earnestly.

Kai paused just staring at her. He looked down at the invitation in her hand. "But why? Why go through all this trouble to help me? Why get so involved when you knew nothing about me? Why do you care so much?" He was in awe of her attitude to help him at whatever the cost.

"I did it because you're my best fried. You've been the only one that lets me be who I am without a care. You've been there for me these four years. You're really important to me." She paused and gave a small smirk, "Besides it was fun to try and guess what your secrets were, and Tala is very cute!" She gave a giggle. Kai laughed with her. He reached out and grasped the invitation and gave her a hug.

"Thank you so much. I really think this will help one way or another." He gave a laugh, "So let's see what you picked out for me to wear!" Ella jumped up and ran to her closet. While she was up Kai looked at the invitation and read it.

"You are cordially invited to the Masquerade of Tala by order of Voltaire."

Kai's eyes stopped, and he dropped the invitation. Why was Tala involved with Voltaire again?

More importantly why was Tala working for the man that wanted Kai dead?

He had to go now; he had to see what had changed Tala enough to work with the evil that was Voltaire.

TBC

Thank you to all of you who are still reading this. This chapter was a little different than the other ones I've written, I can't really say how it just felt different writing it. All questions about Tala and this party should be answered in the next chapter. I can't make any promises about when that will be because my life is a little hectic right now, and I have to write some other stories for a contest…so whenever it happens it's going to be the start of the end of the story (probably about four more chapters after the next one!) Anyway drop a review or constructive criticism. Let me know you're still reading this!

IADM


	8. All the Lonely People

All the Lonely People- 8

IceAngelDarkMoon

Hello all! I am so sorry at the lateness of this chapter. Unfortunately my year has been EXTREMELY hectic, and I as usual over booked myself. This chapter was actually written in short spurts over most of that time, which is extremely unusual for me. I usually sit down and write most of a chapter in one sitting. So if this one feels less polished or anything I blame that! Don't complain too hard, because I'm trying to finish this story. So let me know what you think of this chapter!

As before this is a shounen-ai story…I promise they'll get together again eventually! But if that is not your style…what are you doing reading this chapter? I don't own these characters or the songs.

* * *

Tala's eyes burned, but he refused to blink, he couldn't take the chance he'd miss something. His neck and shoulders hurt from leaning to peer closer at the screen in front of him. He just continued to click and watch the screen, all the while he kept his hope alive.

He nearly put his head through the computer as the phone jolted him back into reality. Its harsh cry demanded his attention. He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes and rolled his shoulders. Wearily he reached for the still ringing phone.

"Hello?" He asked, as he cracked his neck, and then stood on his toes to stretch his back.

"Tala?" A timid voice queried. Tala allowed a slight smile to flit across his face, and gave a soft laugh.

"Rei, how'd you know I was still here?"

"Well when I called your apartment four times and you never called back, I took a wild guess. Besides I can't even remember the number of times this has happened in the past few years and you still ask the same question." He paused to give a short chuckle. "I assume you were still looking and lost track of the time again?" His voice was soft, and held a tinge of sadness.

Tala nodded before he realized that Rei couldn't see him. "Yeah, I just started and kept going." He glanced at the cock and started as he saw it was now just past 11. "I guess I just keep thinking maybe the next one will be it." He gave a long sigh as he collapsed back into his chair, suddenly too weary to stand any more.

Rei gave a small laugh then turned his voice serious. "You shouldn't work so hard all the time; it can't do you any good if you get sick from this." Tala just rolled his eyes, knowing he had heard this speech many times in the past few years. He stood slowly and began packing up his things to head home. He reached, and quickly closed all the files, and then deleted them from the computer's memory. After they were cleared away he turned the computer off. Rei's voice suddenly caught his attention again.

_Ah, look at all the lonely people  
Ah, look at all the lonely people _

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been  
Lives in a dream  
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door  
Who is it for?

"I was actually calling to see if you wanted to meet for coffee or something tomorrow. Then we could talk some more about your 'search.' And you can catch me up on everything else that has been going on in your busy life!" The last part was more of a jibe at the fact that all Tala seemed to do was work, and search the internet for any clue as to someone's whereabouts.

"Sure, the usual place at 10?" Tala was all packed and ready to walk out of the office and head back to his apartment. Hopefully he could catch a few hours of sleep, if he didn't have more nightmares.

"Prefect, see you then?" With that Rei hung up. Tala replaced the phone and grabbed his coat as he stepped through the door. He had to admit he liked talking to Rei, it gave him hope. Maybe if he wasn't the only one still thinking about Kai, Kai wasn't so far away. But they had both agreed never to mention anything about the blue haired boy while on the phone, they couldn't afford to tip Voltaire off to his possible continued existence, it would ruin everything Kai had worked for. Tala didn't believe Voltaire completely trusted him, or anyone for that matter, and didn't have their phones tapped, just in case.

_All the lonely people  
Where do they all come from ?  
All the lonely people  
Where do they all belong ?_

* * *

The apartment was just as empty as it always was. The only thing that ever kept him company in it was the ghost of his past. He hadn't been able to move away. He had thought about it, to move away from the memories and the pain they now brought. But if Kai ever came back he wanted Kai to be able to find him easily. So he stayed and suffered through the memories, the little things that constantly reminded him of everything he had messed up.

He trudged over to his bed and collapsed onto it. From his half inclined position he slowly got out of his work clothes. As he crawled under the covers he glanced at the dried rose and photo of himself and Kai. Looking at the picture he couldn't understand how he hadn't known. It was so obvious now looking at the picture that he had always loved the blue haired boy. What would it be like to hold him in his arms again like he had that day? But that was just one of the many nightmares that plagued his sleep. Tala just hoped he would get enough sleep tonight that he wouldn't have to face more questions from Rei.

_Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear  
No one comes near.  
Look at him working. Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there  
What does he care? _

All the lonely people  
Where do they all come from?  
All the lonely people  
Where do they all belong?

* * *

The café was buzzing with life. Everywhere there were couples sharing an intimate moment or friends laughing together. Tala watched the hustle and bustle as one would watch ants scurry about. His mind was not on them. He sat fidgeting with anything he could; tapping his toes, drumming his fingers, blowing his hair out of his face, among other things. He did this every time he met with Rei, he was happy but nervous. He could never get over the fact it was his fault Kai was gone, and that was the only reason he and Rei were friends.

Tala about jumped out of his skin as a hand landed on his shoulder. Whipping around to face whoever was accosting him, he wasn't really surprised to see Rei smiling at him. Rei gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze then released the shoulder to slide into the booth across from the despondent red head.

"Are you doing ok?" Rei asked after he settled and prepared his drink to his liking. "You look like you haven't slept well and you look more nervous than usual."

Tala gave a weary sigh and took a slow sip of his hot chocolate. He still couldn't drink chai; even the smell brought back too many memories. He missed the calming blend of herbs, but he just couldn't stomach it. Rei looked at Tala expectantly; however, Tala took another moment to gather his thoughts.

"It's nothing, really. I just haven't been sleeping well, again." Tala glanced at Rei who was giving him a look that said to tell him the truth. "Fine." Tala sighed. "I keep seeing him in my dreams. They are dreams that would normally be considered 'happy' but just seeing him even in my dreams hurts. In the end they always turn into nightmares. It's like he's always haunting me."

_Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name  
Nobody came  
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave  
No one was saved_

Rei sat in a shocked silence. His mouth hung agape and he just stared at the red head in front of him. He tried to say something several times, but all he could do was open and close his mouth. Ha gave a long sigh and his ability to speak seemed to return.

"There is no way he would want you to blame yourself this much. Yes you both messed up, but you're punishing yourself too much." His eyes shown with earnestness as he tried to get Tala to believe him, Tala shook his head mournfully.

"That's just it; I don't know what he would want. If I couldn't see he liked me and I liked him, how do I know what he is thinking now four years later?"

Tala was shocked out of his moment of sadness by a sharp rap to the head he received courtesy of Rei's rolled up newspaper. Rei just smirked at him and slowly unrolled the paper.

"Bad boy, you shouldn't second guess yourself like that!" Rei teased and glanced at the paper in his hands. "You made the paper again. Is this now 3 years on the most eligible bachelor list?" Tala merely groaned at the mention of the article. Yes it was now the third year of this atrocity. "This year they actually wrote a little blurb about you. Do you want to hear it?" Tala only rolled his eyes knowing Rei was going to read it to him anyway.

"_This stunning red head is rumored to be the heir apparent of the extremely prosperous BioVolt. Not only are his good looks and apparent financial success attractive to the ladies, but so is his mysteriousness. There seems to be an underlying sadness lurking in his eyes at all times. He has never been seen in any romantic relationship. While he has been asked many times his only response is, 'My heart already belongs to someone.' Well whoever has this bachelor's heart should look out, there is a big bash being held in his honor in a few weeks. There is a rumor that Tala will be looking for a wife at the party, so girls try and find an invite and see if you can snag the alluring red head_."

Tala let his head thunk against the table while Rei was overcome by laughter. Tala had known that the article was coming out but whoever the author was needed to die. He didn't want that many people at the dance, and he certainly didn't want those blood-thirsty vixens that had been after him for years now.

"So is it true?" Rei prodded, both with his voice and with his finger against Tala's head. Giving a sigh he sat up and looked at Rei.

"Is what true?" He quirked an eyebrow at the dark haired man.

"That you have sadness lurking always in your eyes." Rei pretended to peer deeply into Tala's bright blue eyes. "No is the party and marriage thing all true?"

"Yeah actually it is. Voltaire wants me married before I can take over the company. I of course haven't been particularly helpful with this part. So he decided he's going to throw me an old fashioned ball, and I'd have to pick there." Tala drained the last of his hot chocolate. "I was actually going to see if you and Bryan would come. I'd like to have someone I can rely on, and not have to worry about trying to marry me." He gave his best dog eyes at Rei. Rei merely laughed.

"I thought you would never ask, of course we'll both be there." Rei paused a moment to finish his drink. "However I think it's best if Voltaire doesn't see me. Bryan is fine because he was one of your old teammates, but I was one of Kai's. He might be a little suspicious, as he should be!" Rei tried to give an evil laugh but it didn't quite make it.

"I just hope there is some way I can get around this whole marriage thing. There is just no way it would ever work out." Tala stood and threw out both of their empty cups. "I just can't move past Kai. And I don't even know if I'll ever see him again."

"I don't know why but I have a feeling that if you're going to see him again it will be soon." Rei replied looking lost in thought. Tala only shrugged and pulled on his coat. He had some paperwork he needed to do.

"So for you big party, is there a certain dress code?" Rei asked as he pulled on his own coat.

"Yeah, you'll both need to be very dressed up. And it's a masquerade, so wear a mask. I'll send your invitation to you today. Bye, and see you at the party!" Tala smirked at the shocked look on Rei's face. A masquerade could be fun. Tala did pause to wonder about Rei's words, would he see Kai again? And would it be soon? Even if Kai didn't love him anymore it would be nice just to apologize, yet he wondered if it would help with the complete loneliness that usually hung around him.

_All the lonely people  
Where do they all come from?  
All the lonely people  
Where do they all belong?_

**TBC**

Thank you for reading this chapter. Please let me know what you thought, constructive criticisms! I'll also try to get the next chapter out soon! IADM


	9. Rest in Pieces

**All the Lonely People- 9**

**Rest in Pieces**

IceAngelDarkMoon

As it seems is now usual, I apologize for how long this has taken me. I found a new beta, and she did a wonderful job (thank you again codenamepancake). But it took me FOREVER to go through and make the changes she suggested…but school has been taking all of my time. I'm actually not even sleeping much…which is a problem for future chapters. Luckily I think there are only a couple more chapters, hopefully I can keep the characters true to my initial intent and keep their voices constant. Thank you for those of you who have stuck with this story for so long, I don't deserve you!! IADM

* * *

A quick glance around the opulent room showed that the party was nearly in full swing already. Kai felt his heart speed up a little with anxiety and excitement. He couldn't believe he was actually there; it seemed like no time had passed since he and Ella had talked after graduation. He didn't know what he would have done without her. Not only had she given him something to do and the means to do it, but she had also traveled across the sea with him and helped him get ready for this night. He knew that when he returned to their room that night, she would still be awake, willing to listen, or to lend a shoulder to cy on, should he need it. While very little had been good in the last four years of his life, Ella was something he couldn't imagine living without. 

_Look at me, my depth perception must be off again_

_Cause_ _this hurts deeper than I thought it did_

From his vantage point at the top of the stairs, Kai's eyes wandered the large ballroom. He made a mental map of the exits and possible escape routes, just in case he needed to flee quickly.

His sharp crimson eyes poured over the mask covered faces. By the buffet table he spotted a familiar dark braid and felt a small smile tug on his lips; Rei was here. In the next moment he realized that at some point during his absence, Tala and Rei had become friends. Kai smiled; at least something had come from his absence. His eyes continued scanning the perimeter, and they caught on the far side. There, high above the dance floor, sat a grand table of stuffy-looking men in business suits and no masks. Kai's blood ran cold as he suddenly noticed the man sitting in the middle of the table with his eyes fixed firmly on something in the middle of the ballroom floor; it was Voltaire. Kai felt his face harden, and his shoulders straighten. Yet suddenly, Kai realized he wasn't frightened of the man at that table. The man he saw was old, tired, and just a man; he was no longer the monster that Kai had been running from for so long. While Kai was no longer terrified, he knew in the rational part of his mind that his grandfather still posed a very great threat; he had many men to do his bidding.

_It has not healed with time_

_It just shot down my spine_

The last thing Kai did was let his eyes slowly focus on the man dancing in the middle of the ballroom. His breath caught in his throat and he felt his heart start to beat faster. He had hoped that the years apart would make this reaction go away, or at least weaken.

The years had been very good to Tala. He'd grown out his hair; he wore it in a neat, low ponytail tied in a simple black ribbon. His tuxedo's long coattails flared out as he danced with some girl. From the distance Kai was he couldn't see Tala's eyes, but in his mind he saw them and their powerful calming blue. Suddenly Kai just had the urge to run across the large ballroom, and go hug Tala to make sure he was real and never let go.

_You look so beautiful tonight_

_Remind me how you laid us down_

_And gently smiled before you destroyed my life_

Kai tore his eyes away from Tala. His heart felt like that night on the beach was just the night before, yet he also felt the tug of their years of friendship. He hadn't realized how much he had missed having Tala as his best friend. While Kai loved Ella and her craziness, the connection he had with her was different. Slowly Kai made his way down the stairs to the main floor of the ballroom. He knew he would have had a good vantage point from up above, but he wanted to be as close as he could for this last time. He saw some chairs lining the wall, one with a good view of the dance floor, and he made his way slowly towards it.

He was startled to a stop when a hand tapped his shoulder lightly. He turned fast, preparing for a fight, only to meet the startled eyes of a young man in a tuxedo. The man quickly covered his surprise with a charming smile; he held his hand out to Kai.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked, hand still waiting. Kai pondered a moment, let out a sigh, and gently placed his hand in the waiting one. In his mind he was glaring at Ella, she had told him he would be the belle of the ball and all the other men would definitely be asking for a dance. He hated that she was right; he just wanted to fade into the background and watch, then say a silent goodbye and be done with it all.

As Kai was led out on the dance floor he let his mind wander to a few hours earlier.

* * *

He had been in his hotel room which shared a door with Ella's, much like his apartment had once shared a door with Tala's room. Ella took charge and seen that he was properly prepared appearance-wise for the night. She added loose, wavelike curls in his long blue hair. Kai was very grateful that it was not poofy as it tended to be. Then, she attacked his face with makeup, especially his eyes. 

"I want them to pop," she told him conspiratorially. "Since they can't see most of your face, we'll accentuate your amazing eyes!" Kai had rolled his eyes at this; and then promptly been smacked upside the head. But Ella lined them with black eyeliner, and then added a sparkling blue eye shadow with hints of purple to his eyes. Kai was amazed to see how much more attention it brought to his crimson eyes, and that was without the mask, where they would be the only part visible.

Ella also helped him into his dress, and made him look utterly, convincingly female. Even he had to admit he had a feminine body and the dress really brought that out. It was a white satin dress, and was obviously very expensive, even if Ella refused to tell him. It was strapless, and ran to the floor. At the top and bottom there was a layer sticking out of navy blue. There was a small filigree pattern sewn in silver thread across the chest and just above the bottom hemline. The back was navy blue and laced up like a corset, the ribbon tying into a bow that lay gracefully down to the ground. The white of the dress brought out the light coloring of his skin. The blue, though, brought out the contrast to his eyes, complemented his hair, and matched the shade of his hidden second color.

His mask was a perfect companion to the dress. Covered in the same material, it was a small oval and reached to cover the top of his delicate cheekbones, and left part of his forehead uncovered. Around the edge of the mask were small rhinestones that were the blue of the accents of the dress, and the mask was tied in back by a ribbon of the same color. The ribbon was long enough that it was the same length as Kai's hair.

"And what is a dress without accessories?" Ella asked rhetorically as she moved his hair out of the way and tied a navy ribbon around his neck. At its center was a delicate Phoenix made of silver. It looked eerily like Dranzer, and Kai had asked her why she had chosen it for him, but she had just muttered something about it fitting him. For her last touch, she added crisscrossing navy ribbons on his hands to his elbows, almost like evening gloves.

"It's amazing," Ella had breathed as she stepped back to admire her work. "You're going to be the prettiest one there, and you're not even female. It's not fair!" Kai have laughed, but then allowed himself to grow contemplative.

"What would I have done without you?" He muttered sadly, and Ella pinched his arm hard for that.

"You wouldn't be getting the man of your dreams that's what!" He reached over and hugged her tightly.

"How will I ever thank you?"

"I get to be your best woman at the wedding and I will want all the details of the ball!" Ella had pulled away carefully, and was fixing the wrinkles caused by her hug.

"There is no such thing as best woman." K stated and quirked an eyebrow at her in amusement. Ella always made him smile, even when he didn't think he could.

"Well, I'm no maid of honor, and I don't think I would make a very good best man." She smiled at him, ducked the pillow he threw at her, and kept laughing.

* * *

Kai was pulled from his memories as the man leading him to the floor put his hand upon Kai's waist and lifted their joined hands into position. The music began and Kai let himself fall into the pattern of the dance. 

The man tried to start a conversation, but mostly he just kept a steady stream of words flowing. He was handsome, with a clean cut, old fashioned look to him. But try as he might Kai couldn't make himself feel anything for the man. There just wasn't the connection he longed for, a touch that made his skin feel like electricity was crackling between them, and his eyes weren't a bright blue that Kai could just fall in. Kai realized just how little he had moved on in those four years away. But that was all going to finally be left behind him this night.

As the dance continued, Kai felt himself looking over the other man's shoulder. He was watching for the glimpses of Tala he could catch at odd moments, though he was still too far away to really see much of how Tala was feeling. What little he could see seemed to be something slightly off, or different than it had been four years ago. Kai couldn't place it and it was making him a little anxious not to be able to get a better look so he could understand what the red haired man was thinking.

_Would you find it in your heart?_

_To make this go away_

_And let me rest in pieces_

"Thank you for dancing with me." The man gave a self-depreciating smile, and added, "I won't hold you anymore, I know that all the women are here for the most eligible bachelor." Kai felt a small bit of shame at that.

"I'm sorry I wasn't a better partner, but I am really just here to say goodbye to someone I once knew." He couldn't force himself to say any more, but curtsied politely and turned away, leaving the man there with a puzzled look.

Kai made his way slowly through the crowd to the refreshment area. He was happy to see that Rei was still there. He was just about to approach when he saw Rei walk over to a slightly familiar man and lean against him as if for comfort. It made Kai smile, Rei and Bryan were still together it seemed. He was glad to see that at least some people actually got to live happily ever after.

_Would you find it in your heart?_

_To make this go away_

_And let me rest in pieces_

Kai took the time that Rei was talking quietly with Bryan to slip the note he had written Rei out of the ribbons on his hand. He wasn't sure what had made him write it, but he'd had a feeling he would be seeing one of his oldest friends. Now he was glad that he hadn't stopped to question the feeling. He watched as Rei slipped over to the punch bowl and began to fill two glasses. Taking a breath to calm himself, Kai walked carefully over to the punch bowl. As he reached Rei, he stumbled and knocked into the man that had been his first friend after he left the abbey.

_Would you find it in your heart?_

_To make this go away_

_And let me rest in pieces_

"Are you alright?" The familiar voiced asked, as familiar hands helped Kai steady himself. Kai had always been amazed at the other man's reflexes. "I didn't spill…" Rei started to ask but stopped as Kai finally looked up enough to meet eyes. He watched as Rei did a quick scan of the person in front of him, his hand still resting lightly on Kai's shoulders. He saw amazement, disbelief, and sort of calm cross Rei's face.

"Kai." Rei breathed out with a small trace of wonder in his voice. Kai hated what he was going to have to do, but he knew he had spent too much time with Rei already. He carefully reached out and pushed the small note into Rei's hand, as he pulled away from his friend.

"I'm sorry I bumped into you sir, I hope I didn't make you spill any punch on you." said Kai. Then he had put on a fake smile, bowed as an apology, and walked away. He felt an ache inside from the hurt he had seen flicker across his old friends face, but it was necessary. He knew Rei would understand when he read the note.

It was a long walk over to the chairs against the wall. He felt Rei's eyes on him, and the eyes of countless other people. He just wanted to blend back into the surroundings and watch the man in the middle of the dance floor. He sank into the chair, grateful for a chance to watch.

The whole experience was a lot harder than he had thought it would be. His heart felt as if it had just been broken, and that fateful night had just happened. He could hear those last words echoing in his head. Gasping, he held a hand to his chest at the pain he felt. Was Ella right, had it been his fault? Did his leaving make things that much worse? Sitting and watching Tala dancing with countless girls, and seeing them flock around him, Kai was able to admit that he hadn't been fair to Tala. He took a couple of breaths to calm himself, he couldn't cry, It would ruin his make up.

_Look at me, my depth perception must be off again_

_You got much closer than I thought you did_

Kai lost count of the dances that passed as he watched Tala. He had to refuse many young men who wanted to dance with him; he just wasn't up for it. He only wanted to say goodbye, but he suddenly realized he didn't know what that meant. Was it going to be a metaphorical one, to just think the words from a distance? Or was he going to chance it and say it up close? He was still undecided until he caught something he hadn't expected to see on Tala's face: sorrow. That was what had bothered Kai so much early, the pain on Tala's face was clear to him. It wasn't a fleeting thing either, as he watched he could see it much clearer. It made the ache in his chest flare up again; was it his fault that the pain was there? He knew that even if Tala didn't love him like he wanted, they had still been the best of friends, and he had left without saying goodbye. He couldn't do that a second time; it would kill him, and maybe even Tala as well.

_I'm in your reach_

_You held me in your hands_

Taking another deep breath Kai mustered up all his courage, and stood as the song ended. He was going to put his life in danger but he couldn't just leave, not this time. And he would get a chance to make sure Tala was real. Being able to just touch him would have to be enough. Kai pushed through the crowded dance floor just as Tala was bowing to the girl he had just danced with. Kai got within hearing range for Tala's next words which were spoken to a group of waiting girls.

_But would you find it in your heart?_

_To make it go away_

_And let me rest in pieces_

"I'm sorry ladies, but I'm going to go get a glass of punch." He gave a tired and strained smile; one that Kai was sure looked genuine to these people that didn't know Tala. "I promise I'll keep dancing after a small break." There were murmurs of disappointment but Tala turned away, towards Kai. Kai acted on instinct and stepped in front of Tala.

_Would you find it in your heart?_

_To make it go away_

"Please forgive my boldness," Kai started with his head bowed, and with a small curtsy. As he continued speaking he let his eyes meet Tala's for the briefest of seconds. In that moment he saw puzzlement and then recognition cross Tala's face. Not bothering to make his voice sound feminine, but keeping it in its natural timber he continued. "But would you care to dance?" He ducked his head back down, breaking the eye contact.

_And let me rest in pieces_

He couldn't bear to see the emotions, or lack thereof, on Tala's face. He held his hand out waiting for Talato either grasp it, or to tell him to go away. He couldn't breathe; he was holding his breath, hoping that maybe this time would be different.

TBC

If anyone is curious about the dress, there is a real dress. SInce i can't type in a web site here is what you do: search for Alfred Angelo. It should be the first one up if you use yahoo. Then click US, then on "bridal," "dream in color," "view 1797" This should get you to the dress I was describing! Just change the color! Enjoy!!

Please leave a review or comment. Even if it's just to say "I read this." Thank you!! IADM


	10. Bury My Lovely

**All the Lonely People- 10**

**IceAngelDarkMoon**

So this has actually been written for a while, but I seem to have lost another beta. After some big life changes I have had an itch to write again (and to be honest I hate leaving things unfinished) so I fixed this up as best as I could, and decided to post it so I could work on the next part. I apologize in advance if the style is different, or if it is a little disjointed, but times have changed and I have changed. The next few chapters will have a song that describes them, but the lyrics will not be sprinkled in any more (listen to the song while you read, but other than that I find them distracting). Enjoy, and it's good to be back! IADM

**

* * *

Bury My Lovely **

"Please forgive my boldness," The voice shook Tala to his core. He knew that voice, he dreamed of its source every night for the past four years. He felt his breath catch in his chest and turned slowly. His heart raced, but then paused as he took in the person who had spoken. What he saw was not what he expected, he felt confused. He knew that voice; he knew some of the features. But the woman in front of him was not Kai. It couldn't be, yet at the same time it was him.

His eyes met with those of the person who had spoken. He felt an electric shock run through him and down his spine. Those eyes were the ones he dreamed of every night. Yet even has his heart recognized the person, his mind took over. With a sinking feeling he figured out what was happening: he wanted to see Kai so much that when someone with similar features was there his mind made them appear even more similar. He felt something inside of him collapse and the breath he had been holding escaped.

"But would you care to dance?" The eye contact was broken and she looked down. Her hand was held out waiting for his decision. He felt frozen, if he could image that this beautiful woman was Kai, could his heart survive a dance with her. Especially since even as he knew it couldn't be Kai, he couldn't seem to make her seem less like the man he loved. Even as he was still trying to decided, his body reacted. Tala nearly jumped as he felt his hand connect with hers, he hadn't even been aware he was moving.

The woman seemed just as surprised, and glanced up at him, but did not meet his eyes again. She rose smoothly, and let herself be led out to the middle of the dance floor. Tala's heart ached; to have been so excited in one moment but only to be disappointed the next moment, it hurt. But he couldn't deny that the woman's uncanny similarity fueled him with hope, hope that he had thought he had run out of.

"My bold Lady, are you not going to take off your mask like the other women have done?" Tala asked, intrigued that she had not done so yet. It was puzzling and gave him something else to focus on rather than the fact that they fit together well. The other women of the night had not approached him unless their masks were off, no doubt trying to woo him with their looks.

He watched with interest as a small, smug smile tugged at the Lady's lips. She ducked her head briefly, then looked up and met his eyes. Again he was struck by how here eyes were just like the ones in his dreams. Before she answered the woman did something that puzzled him; she looked pointedly at a point over Tala's shoulder.

"Good Sir, I will take mine off when you take yours off." Her voice was a higher than when she had asked him to dance, it was much more feminine sounding. As Tala tried to puzzle out what she meant, he twirled her as the music called for. He had the overwhelming urge to feel his face; he had not worn a mask to his own dance; whatever could she mean?

"You puzzle me, my Lady. I wear nothing but my own skin." She was again facing him as he spoke, and her eyes sparked with a challenge. When her eyes held him, Tala could almost forget about the room full of people and that the eyes did not belong to the one he loved.

"Is that so my Lord?" She asked coquettishly. "Yet you have not smiled for real all night." Tala made a noise of protest, but she cut him off. "No you have 'smiled' my Lord, but you have not meant it. All the women you danced with, not one seemed to hold your eye, nor even make you happy. Why is that when you smile, your eyes say you are hurting?" She was no longer teasing. It seemed as if her words had surprised her as well. A frown tugged at her lips, and she again glanced over Tala's shoulder, but this time it seemed more reflexive.

"My Lady," Tala sighed. "I don't know what you are talking about." He couldn't understand how she could possible read him so easily. He thought he was fairly good at keeping things from people. No one had read him that easily since Kai. He shook his head to clear that name from his head, he needed to focus.

"You're pulling your mask on tighter." She admonished. She gently moved her hand from his shoulder to cup his face, even as that hand trembled a little. Her thumb rubbed lightly across his cheek bone. "Why are you having a masquerade to find a bride when the happiest you've been all night is when you secretly greeted your friend and his boyfriend?" She shook her head slightly in confusion, and drew her hand back.

"How did you know they were dating?" That was the part that had struck Tala the first. There was no accusation or any sense of it being wrong when she had stated it. But the fact that she had picked up on it when people the three men had known for years still did not know; it was a little unnerving.

"Strange that you defend them first and not your own lack of enjoyment for your own party." She gave an amused smirk and then looked over towards Rei and Bryan. "But to answer your question it's obvious. The comfortable air between them and the little touches as they try to ignore each other. It's written plainly in their glances at each other when the other is not looking or when they think no one is watching them." The lady gave a soft sigh, one that could be taking as adoring and just a little jealous.

"Now back to the real question, why is it that only your friends so far have elicited your smile, and all the women vying for your hand in marriage get a secret pain." Tala gave a defeated sigh; she had answered his question about Rei and Bryan it was his turn to tell her something.

"Would you believing me if I said I didn't want to have this party, and it's not really my party?" He asked testing the water. He knew it felt like he had known this women for his whole life, but his mind was reminding him that the person in front of him was not Kai.

"I would believe that the man with the cold face watching from up there might be behind this farce." She pointed with her eyes to where Tala knew Voltaire was sitting and watching, and he realized, where the Lady had been furtively glancing while they danced.

"That's one way to describe him," Tala chuckled. He took a moment and twirled the Lady in time to the music. The underside of her hair as it flared out looked darker, but it must just have been the light. She smiled at him as she again took the regular stance for the dance. Tala couldn't remember the last time he had had fun dancing with someone. Dancing where his partner just reacted and let him lead, trusting him to guide them around the floor.

"If you're done trying to distract me," she teased, voice tinged with flirting. "So why is it only a farce? Even if it isn't your original plan, many guys would kill to have this many women throwing themselves at him." She glanced to the side at several women who although dancing with other men were glaring at her, and then smiling at Tala.

"Do not give them any ideas my Lady, they are quite fearsome as it is." He laughed at the image of the women in full ball gowns throwing themselves upon a poor unsuspecting male. "But it can only be a farce because I lost my heart four years ago." All the levity and laughter that he had been enjoying seemed to slip away as he realized what he had admitted. He felt the gloved hand squeeze his gently to reassure him. Besides Rei no one had offered any comfort and that small touch warmed him.

"I'm willing to listen if you want to talk about it, if not I understand that it is none of my business," she trailed off and shrugged, or at least as much as she could while still dancing. Tala looked her in the eyes and saw that she was sincere in her request, but there was also a sadness that seemed to strong for not knowing Tala. He didn't think he wanted to talk about it, but knowing that she cared made him want to tell someone. He had had it bottled up for so long, with only Rei to confide in, which was better than no one, but it wasn't enough.

"There has only been one person in my life that I have ever really gotten close with. I have friends, but there was no one like this person, they knew me better than I knew myself. And I thought I knew them just as well. Somewhere in the close and comfort they fell in love with me, for some reason I cannot fathom." He gave a bitter smile and as his heart clenched at the thought that Kai should have loved someone more deserving, but the thought that Kai could love someone else cut him to the core.

"Then one beautiful night, I threw away everything because I didn't stop and think. They confessed how they felt, and without stopping to think about how I really felt I pushed them away." He paused and under his breath he muttered, "Pushed him away forever."

"It's funny that it wasn't until they were gone that I realized how much I really loved them back." He gave a self depreciating laugh. "Now I've spent four years searching and hoping that I get the chance to apologize for my actions." He paused and took a shaky breath of air, "And let them know I lied that night."

Tala was startled out of his self pity party by a warm gloved hand cupping his face. Startled, he met the eyes of the Lady in front of him. Her hand rested lightly, not so much holding as guiding his face towards her. There were so many emotions in her eyes that he couldn't name them as they switched. Her thumb stroked soothing circles on his cheek bone.

"He's still out there, and maybe one day both of you will be strong enough to say what needs to be said to make things better." She stated it with such authority, Tala believed it would happen. Then something in her words caught up to him. He pulled away and held her by the wrists, keeping them from actually touching him anymore.

"How did you know it was a he, I never said that?" He watched as her eyes grew wide and then she ducked her head. It was his turn to move forward and cup his hands against her cheeks, guiding her crimson eyes up to meet his blue ones.

"If it were a female you would not have had to play the pronoun game." There was a bitterness that overpowered the words she actually spoke. She gave a small smile that was more grimace than anything joyful. "Besides it wouldn't have been such an issue if your best friend had been female and she liked you." Slowly a real smile took over, with just an edge of mischievousness, "I also heard when you muttered under your breath, so you did say it yourself!"

This time she initiated the spin, and had just enough reach in her arms to turn Tala about without messing up his hair. When he was again facing her, he couldn't help the smile that was fighting to show itself. He had an ally in her if nothing else. The thought that he might not see her again troubled him, but for the moment he wanted to spend as much time with her as she was willing to let him. He wasn't sure if it was because she looked so much like Kai or if it was because she acted and made him react like it was Kai.

"What are you going to do about this whole 'you must marry one of these women' clause?" The Lady asked. She glanced at the women that were glaring very hard at her some even slowly moving forward towards them. "I think some of these 'fragile dolls' might turn murderous if you don't follow through and complete someone's fairytale ending."

"Oh lord preserve me! If I have to face all of them at once…" Tala pretended to look terrified and shudder, but his smile refused to budge. "But what of you my Lady, what was it that brought you here tonight? It hardly seems to fit that you were here to fight them off for me." If he hadn't been watching so closely he would have missed the look of sadness that flashed across her face.

"You are right my good sir, I was here only to say goodbye to someone. I knew it would be a hard task, but the longer I stay the harder it seems to get." She sighed and glanced down. But then the mischief was back in her eyes as she locked eyes with him. "Don't think you can mislead me that easily, you still have not answered me what you are going to do."

"You are a tough one to mislead. But I thought I was going to pick someone and then just not marry them but pretend long enough to appease that 'cold man,' or at least not choose. But I find that my time spent with you has changed a lot of things." He paused his words, and as he did so he stopped their dance. He reached so he was again gently cupping her face in his hands, just so that he could meet her eyes. He had to see them when he finished what he needed to say.

"You gave me back the hope that I will see him again. You gave me hope that I thought I had run out of, and that one day I might be able to make things right. You have given me something very precious indeed, even with how you remind me of the one I love." The emotions that crossed her face didn't make sense to him. The shock did, but the fear that stole across was unnerving, what in his words had caused it?

"You have given me the strength to walk away from this company. I haven't found him by using their resources, so since it's not helping I want no part in it anymore. I have no love for it, and never have. I feel better than I have in four years" He paused as a tentative smile started to cross her face. "If there is anything within my powers to help you with or to give you, it is yours to ask for."

"I…A…"She started to say something but cut herself off with a small shake of her head, and tuned her face towards her feet. She had shaken Tala's hands free of her face and turned so she was angled a little away from him. "I'm sorry, I can't ask for that, besides I haven't really done anything. And I took more of your time than I asked for." Tala started as he realized they were half through their third dance already, but he would not be swayed.

"If I say it is yours to ask for it is yours. Besides there is no one else here that I wanted to spend the time with. Whatever it was that you wanted to ask for, say it. The worst that happens is I say I cannot give it to you." He wanted to reach out and make her meet his eye again, but he felt like he was already pushing her. Besides he didn't know her, he had no right to make he do anything. But he really wanted to know what she did not think she could ask for.

With a determined look, with just a little bit of resignation she met his eyes. She studied him a moment then spoke, "The only thing I would ask for is a kiss." She held up a hand to stop him from whatever he might have said. "If you could pretend for one kiss that I was the person you were waiting for, the man you love. That would be what I would ask for, but that is insensitive, and I cannot ask it of you." She started to turn away, "So I will take my leave and let you plan your departure from that cold man's puppet strings."

Without thinking Tala reached for her hand. He caught the ribbon gloved hand with his and gently tugged her so they were even closer than before, but again face to face. He brought his hands up to her face and rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs. He studied her for a moment; he saw resignation, fear, and a weariness that he had only seen when he looked into the mirror the past four years.

"One kiss I can do, as long as you still understand it cannot mean anything else. But for the gift you have given me it is a paltry sum." From this close he was having trouble again remembering that this wasn't Kai. From this close all he could see were those eyes behind the mask, ones that were the same pained crimson that he dreamt of. From this close there was the light blue hair that sparkled in the light. There was the person he most wanted to see; pretending for one kiss was not going to be hard, it was remembering that she was not Kai at the end that was going to hurt.

Before he could stop and think about it anymore, or before she could protest and pull away he leaned forward the last little bit and sealed his lips over hers. There was a momentary pause where they were both too startled to do anything, and then his kiss was being returned with a fervor he had not expected. With his eyes closed and just his hands on her face, he was kissing Kai. They fit together wonderfully, and it was amazing. Only the need for oxygen pulled him from the illusion he had woven, and he drew back only reluctantly and not very far.

Her hands had moved to press against his chest during the kiss. They were at once pushing him away and pulling him closer. His hands were still on her cheeks feeling the smooth skin beneath them. He was startled to see upon opening his eyes that she had started to cry silently. Her eyes were still closed, but the tears leaked out slowly and he felt them on his thumb. He took a moment to try and wipe them off of her cheeks. Her eyelids fluttered open and their eyes met one last time. There were so many emotions there that he didn't even think there were names for all of them.

Unconsciously he kept wiping at the tears that were still flowing down her cheeks. Then out of the corner of his eyes he saw a hint of blue on her cheek. He turned and saw that it was not in his imagination. Tala assumed is must have been some of her makeup, and as not to embarrass her gently rubbed at the spot to make it go away. He was a bit perturbed when it didn't fade, and if anything started to get brighter. He was still focused on the spot when he heard her take a sharp intake of air and her eyes widened in shock.

"I'm sorry, I have to go." She pulled away from him, and started putting distance between them. Her hand had come up and was holding the cheek that he had been rubbing at. After a moments pause she turned and walked quickly through the crowed. He watched as she seemed to glide away from him, people moving out of her way as she fled for the door.

Tala was so shocked at the abrupt end to his time with the mystery Lady that several thoughts did not hit him until people started to approach him. As the women that had been glaring at his Lady crowded around him and demanded to know why he had allowed that 'minx' to be so mean to him, he realized several things. The first was that she had left without telling him her name, or if he could ever see her again. And the second and more vital was that blue spot. It hadn't gone away and had even gotten bigger as he had rubbed, which meant the blue was the base color and the skin tone was one top. In an instant the truth almost knocked him to his knees.

The Lady was Kai! The blue was his tattoos.

The moment after he realized that the Lady and all the similarities were too much to have been coincidence. He also realized that he had finally kissed Kai. But more importantly he remembered that the "Lady" was here to say "goodbye." He couldn't lose Kai a second time. With that thought in mind he turned and pushed is way through the throng of fawning women, and started shoving people out of his way as he made for the door that Kai had left through.

One thought flashed over and over in his mind as he ran frantically, 'I can't lose him a second time.' He heard many angry and startled shouts as he pushed his way out the door into the garden. He knew it was not subtle and that Voltaire's men would be coming to see what was going on, but he couldn't let Kai leave when he had been so close.

The air in the garden was refreshingly cooler than the ball room had been and there was a faint pleasant scent of live flowers that could never be made into a man made scent. He glanced around frantically, and he saw someone huddled in a semi-secluded bench. He could hear the harsh breathing that signaled someone crying hard but trying not to sob out loud. It broke his heart again knowing he had caused that and four years worth of such pain, but he needed to make things right. He tried to approach the bench silently, but his dress shoes sounded like tap shoes on the coble stone. He watched as Kai startled, and glanced up at him. Although the mask was still in place, the makeup that had been on Kai's eyes was starting to run and had left dark and glittery trails down his cheeks. The eyes themselves were shadowed because of the faint light, but Tala had no doubt they were almost all red and swollen.

Kai stood and smoothed out the dress where it had wrinkled from the huddled position. He kept his eyes turned down and refused to look up at Tala.

"I'm sorry I left so suddenly sir, but I realized it was time that I leave. I am sorry to have disrupted your party." The words were spoken in a cool and clipped manner. "Goodnight." With that Kai turned and started walking quickly towards the parking area.

"Wait," Tala cried, in a moment of panic he couldn't move, couldn't do anything but entreat. "Please, wait. I can't lose you a second time." Kai just kept moving further away from him, he knew he would never be able to force Kai to stay; he had no right after what he had done. And then to not really recognize Kai tonight, but he couldn't just let him go without a fight. "Please, Kai." He knew there was desperation in his voice that in any other situation would have made him ashamed of the weakness there, but not now. He watched as the person in the dress stumbled to a stop back still towards him. He took that as a sign and moved towards Kai in that moment.

As soon as he was close enough he reached out and tugged Kai around to face him. Then he let that hand fall gently, but securely around Kai's waist as the other reached for Kai's face. It was the same hand that had found the blue, and it again found itself on that one glimpse of the real person behind the mask. Kai still had tears running down his cheeks but made no move to protests. Slowly so as not to startle Kai, Tala reached back and undid the mask letting it fall to the ground gently as he looked at Kai's face. Even the tears, the running make up, and only one tattoo partially uncovered he was beautiful.

"Please don't run away this time, I can't lose you a second time." Tala whispered the words slow and hard to get out. "I lied that night, I loved you then, and I love you now. Please forgive me." With that he leaned down and claimed Kai's lips a second time. This time though he knew who he wanted to kiss and it was the man in front of him, so there was no momentary pause. This kiss was even better because it was with Kai who wasn't pretending to be someone else. In the next few minutes they would have to talk and figure things out and forgive many things but in this moment they just had each other, which is really all they ever needed. It was perfect.

**TBC**

Please leave a comment, and let me know what you think, of the story, of the change in the prose, and please let me know if there are any big problems with the chapter. Thank you for reading and sticking with this story! IADM

* * *

**Bury My Lovely- October Project**

Cover the mirror

Hide in your dreams

Forget what they told you

Forget what it means

A picture worth a thousand lies

The mem'ry and the mirror

Nothing but what came before

Nothing but a closing door

*pre-chorus*

A picture worth a thousand lies

A thousand words

A thousand eyes

*chorus*

Bury my lovely

Hide in your room

Bury my lovely

Forget me soon

Forget me

Forget me now

Forget me not

Cover the madness

Cover the fear

No one will ever

Know you were here

A figure in the hallway light

Returning like a ghost

Something that was left behind

Something in a child's mind

*pre-chorus*

*chorus*

Bury my lovely

Bury the lies

Bury me under

A thousand good-byes

A shadow from another time

Is waiting in the night

Something happened long ago

Something that will not let go

*chorus*


End file.
